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My Son belongs with Me PDF Print E-mail
Story by Crissie
Parenting

 
While I was hooked on drugs I got into lots of trouble, and all I cared about was getting high. The worst thing that happened during this point in my life was having my son taken from me. My sister was worried about his safety and called CPS and my baby was put in her care temporarily while I got my act together and got clean. I was grateful that she was able to care for my son so he wouldn't end up in foster care.

 

During this time I was able to see my son a couple of times a week as long as I wasn't high and always under my sister's supervision. It hurt when he started to call her momma. Now he's been living in her care for almost three years and recently she told me that he's better off with her because she has raised him from birth and he's a part of her family. She offered to let me see my son more times throughout the week but it would have to be under her watchful eye because she doesn't trust me and is probably scared I would take off with him.

son-belongs_to_-meI did not anticipate her wanting to keep my child and raising him as her own. She has two children and if she wants more kids than she and her husband should try to have more. I just want to be able to raise my son. I understand she did me a favor by taking him in while I was on drugs and unable to provide a good home for him, but I have been clean for over a year and I go to meetings on a regular basis. I have lost so much because of my addiction, I do not want to lose the only thing that matters in my life.

My son's father was the one who got me into drugs in the first place and he died of an overdose while I was five months pregnant. I'm not proud of it but doing drugs numbed my feelings and helped me to deal with his death. My baby was born healthy and I'm very thankful for that. I named him after his father and he is a spit image of him. I would do anything to have my son back, he is the only thing that makes my life worth living.

I have really turned my life around. I have a job and my own place and I'm finally ready and able to take care of my responsibilities. I don't want to come of as ungrateful because I owe my sister a lot for being there for my son when I couldn't be. I just want to take back my son and take care of him because I'm his mother and I deserve that right.
 

Comments  

 
0 #7 RE: My Son belongs with Me — Guest 2011-10-05 11:03
Absolutly not one person who hasn't been down this road should be giving you advice. I know I've been there. It is an awful feeling when you don't feel supported by people who should. I was somewhat in the same boat. In my case it was my mom who took over. I am so sorry that the drugs took over, only by the grace of God go I. I was very young when I had my son and I wasn't a good mom for the first couple of years, but when he turned 4 I started to get myself together in order to raise him. I went back to school, got a good job and a place to live, but that wasn't ever good enough for my mom and siblings, they threatend me every time I tried to take him.

The bottom line is this, if you know in your heart you're ready to take on the responsibility of your son please, please make it a top priority to do so, you will never forgive yourself if you don't try. One more thing, prove em wrong, that's the best role model set for your son. In the end the true mother will arise. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!
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0 #6 I agree... — Jacqui775 2011-03-31 11:06
Totally....you will have to accept the fact that he will have to get to know you all over again. Don't traumatize him with all the past....one day at a time is best.
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0 #5 It takes time — Guest 2010-12-10 10:23
I hate the cliche of time but it's true from the sounds of it she's just worried you'll have a relapse. A year is not enough time to prove yourself. Start slow to not just prove to your sister but to yourself and your son that you're stable. Spend every spare moment with them, try to get him on the weekends. Take small steps because the big steps are more likely to cause you to relapse.

A friend of mine took back his little boy, relapsed and while nothing happened to Kaden, Dillon is still rittled with quilt that he got high in the same house as his little boy and he'd been clean FOR YEARS before this. Kaden's ten now and he lives with his daddy. They are wonderful. He's a happy, well adjusted pre-teen but he still gets concerned everytime something starts to stress Dillon out.

It's just hard to trust. You said you go to meetings but it might help for her to go to meetings too. Al-Anon helped in big ways for us. Btw don't take it personally that she does't trust you. She has to deal with her own issues too. You hurt her with your addiction also. And I'm not saying you'll relapse but no matter how long you're clean there will always be that possibility.
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0 #4 RE: My Son belongs with Me — Guest 2010-12-03 23:23
I am in a similiar situation! I am happy to hear you are clean as well! I just feel like 1 year is not enough to take him back! Anything could happen! Make use of the extra time she is giving you, go to court to get weekends. Get your son more aquainted with your life, and continue your path of sobriety. Then go to the courts with proof of sobriety, gifts, financial assistance and then ask them. They will be much more inclined to listen!!
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+2 #3 RE: My Son belongs with Me — Guest 2010-12-02 23:33
So very well said; I could not have said it any better. :-) Quoting MetalMouthJeff:
If you really are doing as well as you say there's no reason you cannot go to the courts and get your son back. One word of caution. Ask yourself if this is for you or your son, the getting him back thing.

By your own admission she stepped up to the plate and is doing a great job with your boy. Your tone sounds like you still have things going on. I guarantee you, she and her husband love him and want the best for him. She is open to more visits by you, she's not trying too keep you away from him either. She's a good sister and friend to you.

Your removing him from what he knows could affect the whole rest of his life. He's got stability, folks that love him, and I'm sure he will grow up to be a fine young man and a college graduate. Why not leave him there? Then you can increase your visits and get a little more involved in his life.

Take things one day, one week, one month, one year at a time. There's no rush, your son is in a good place and is happy. If your worried he may feel abandoned by you when he gets older don't be. It was out of Love for him that you put him with your sister. You knew even as sick as you were he would be safe there and thrive.Tread Lightly and keep loving your little man.
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+2 #2 Everyone makes mistakes — Guest 2010-11-30 22:46
Everyone makes mistakes in their past that they regret and you made a huge accomplishment by getting off drugs and most people can't do that it is a very hard process. I understand your sister helped you by taking your son in and caring for him but she is not his mother, you are and he needs you the most.

It isn't too late for you to make up the lost times between you and him because he is still young. I understand that your sister loves him and she would still see him when he's with you. She shouldn't have even let him call her mom in the first place because she isn't his mom you are.

If you're really serious about staying off drugs then I would go fight for your son back no matter what it takes. You are his mother I'm sure it will be hard for him to get used to at first but in time he will understand. It's better now than later on down the road when he's older. I'm sure you don't want to hurt your sister but you're hurting yourself more by not being in his life and missing out on all the joys life can bring. I'm sure you're going to do a wonderful job raising your son, best of luck!
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+5 #1 Get Courts Involved — MetalMouthJeff 2010-11-27 22:45
If you really are doing as well as you say there's no reason you cannot go to the courts and get your son back. One word of caution. Ask yourself if this is for you or your son, the getting him back thing.

By your own admission she stepped up to the plate and is doing a great job with your boy. Your tone sounds like you still have things going on. I guarantee you, she and her husband love him and want the best for him. She is open to more visits by you, she's not trying too keep you away from him either. She's a good sister and friend to you.

Your removing him from what he knows could affect the whole rest of his life. He's got stability, folks that love him, and I'm sure he will grow up to be a fine young man and a college graduate. Why not leave him there? Then you can increase your visits and get a little more involved in his life.

Take things one day, one week, one month, one year at a time. There's no rush, your son is in a good place and is happy. If your worried he may feel abandoned by you when he gets older don't be. It was out of Love for him that you put him with your sister. You knew even as sick as you were he would be safe there and thrive.Tread Lightly and keep loving your little man.
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