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Is it wrong to snoop on your kids? PDF Print E-mail
Story by Shana
Parenting

 
Ever since my daughter turned 15 she has been a handful. She started off this school year by getting bad grades and I've already been to two parent/teacher meetings regarding her bad behavior. My husband blames her outbursts on her hormones and wants me to handle it… So I guess I have no choice but to get to the bottom of this on my own.

 

"Connie" was never a problem child until she started hanging out with a new girl who transferred from another school. Her friend is no longer allowed in our house after I caught her smoking in my daughter's bedroom. Who knows what else she might be into. She is like a lost soul, very depressed and withdrawn from life. Although I feel sorry for her... she is not someone I want my daughter to associate with.

Connie doesn't confide in me anymore and I have no clue what's going on with her. We used to be close and she told me if anything bothered her and I just wish she would do the same now. I guess it could be something simple like boy problems, or as serious as drug or alcohol use. She doesn't know this, but I have been going through her room trying to figure out what is up with her. I have not found anything incriminating and I do feel guilty sometimes for snooping on her but as a mother I am concerned about her well being. She has been acting different and I feel I need to get to the bottom of this before she makes a big mistake.

snooping-parentAll she does is come home from school and spends the rest of the day in her bedroom either on the phone or on the computer. She only comes out to eat dinner. I have tried time and time again to get her to confide in me because all I want to do is help. Connie has threatened to run away from home a couple of times when she was mad. I'm not sure whether she was serious or if she was just trying to scare me. I don't know what I would do if she ever ran away. Now she knows the concept of it scares me and lately she has said it more often when she gets upset with my husband and I.

After seeing some disturbing stuff on TV about teens and sex-ting I went through her phone and read her text messages. I did not find anything inappropriate but I know she would be furious if she found out I invaded her privacy. She's recently had her laptop removed from her room after my husband and I decided it would be best if she only used the computer downstairs where we can monitor her better. We also did this in hopes to get her out of her room so she can be a part of the family once again. She is old enough to to realize that her younger siblings look up to her and she has to try to set a good example for them.

I'm curious to find out if other parents have ever resorted to snooping on their kids. I don't know what other way I can make sure that my child is not doing things she shouldn't be especially now since she's being so secretive. If anyone has advice for me please leave a comment.
 

Comments  

 
0 #60 RE: Is it wrong to snoop on your kids? — Barrack 2012-03-29 20:35
Quoting Russel:
We have to snoop otherwise we don't know anything. You can go on to your cell companies site and get a copy of every word she has texted. Plus another way is to look at her myspace or her facebook account, check her friends accounts and read what's up. Oh my, I have a ton of ways.

Quoting DEB:
Teenage girls are very secretive. A good way to snoop is to install a camera in their bathroom. They will suspect you of installing audio/video recording devices in their room, thus they will retreat to the bathroom to handle any "private" conversations/actions. If you install a camera in the bathroom you will capture any "secret things" they are doing behind your back. Hope that helps.

......what the f*ck......I really hope no one takes this advice into consideration.
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+1 #59 Think about it. — Chelsie71 2011-08-10 14:52
Would you want to be snooped on?
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-2 #58 RE: Is it wrong to snoop on your kids? — DEB 2011-08-09 11:12
Teenage girls are very secretive. A good way to snoop is to install a camera in their bathroom. They will suspect you of installing audio/video recording devices in their room, thus they will retreat to the bathroom to handle any "private" conversations/actions. If you install a camera in the bathroom you will capture any "secret things" they are doing behind your back. Hope that helps.
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0 #57 RE: Is it wrong to snoop on your kids? — Tianna 2011-07-19 13:43
Of course not! You are her parent, and it's your job to take care of her!
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+2 #56 is it wrong to snoop on your kids — Maria 2011-07-14 14:53
Heck no!!! That's a parents responsiblity to find out what our children are up to. Especially when they turn into teenagers at 15-16-17…Most kids won't tell us. It's up to us to make sure that they have a good head on their shoulders.
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0 #55 You can't be there all the time. — Mark 2011-07-14 08:58
Look, you can't be there all the time. If she wants to be friends with someone there really isn't any stopping her. She isn't confiding in you because she's a TEENAGER. It's normal. They want to go out and be their own person without Mom and Dad riding their a$$ all the time.

She wants you to have enough trust in her without invading her personal space. If she finds out you've invaded her privacy ( And believe me (she'll know) she will trust you that much less. The best you can really do is just have a serious one on one talk with her. Tell her that you care and that you do trust her. Help her feel at ease with you.

She's not going to open up right away. But give her enough time to adjust to the hormones and she'll come around. Having said that if you have REASON to believe that she's doing something illegal, harmful,etc. then PAY ATTENTION. The signs are usually right in front of you. Look before you leap. Happy Trails.
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+2 #54 mom — Grace 2011-07-12 15:52
Only if you have your suspicions already. Then Yes, by all means. But don't forget to do it in a loving way, not oh yeah I've got you now.
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0 #53 Single mom of 2 boys — Lynne 2011-07-09 18:11
I became a widow of 2 boys when they were 5 and 10 they are now 18 and 22. Raising kids is hard trusting them to do the right thing is harder. I have always told them I will never snoop or read letters left in the laundry unless I am given a reason to or a reason to not trust them.. I did my best to keep the lines of communication open without seeming to pry. Both have never let me down. Keep in mind kids aren't bad they just make bad choices. We can only lead the way. It's up to them to choose the right path or fail and pay the consequences. They learn by mistakes, it's hard but they have to learn from the mistakes let them make them don't protect them from failing. They will learn the "cause and effect" method. Good Luck
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-1 #52 RE: Is it wrong to snoop on your kids? — Ginger ann 2011-06-28 07:44
You should check in on your kids...often. Children often fall into peer pressure and are embarrassed about it so they keep it secret. I don't give my kids phones until they have a drivers license or a job and computer time is in the dining room so I can see what they are doing. I also reserve the right to "toss" my childrens rooms because as a parent I will not take the blame for "allowing" them to have what I call contraband in their rooms.

My daughter had a run in with the neighbor girl somewhat similiar to yours and even though mine may not be completely innocent she is not the only one to blame. As for the girl being "a lost soul" if you child is so "found" why is she acting out like this?
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+3 #51 done it — amanda 2011-06-27 17:20
I can honestly say I rebeled a lot when my parents moved me from school to school, it is hard to make friends sometimes without doing what others are doing. Your daughter wants to fit in and have friends. One thing you have to do is put your foot down or it will only get worse. My suggestion would be to spend more time with her. Instead of telling her all the bad she is doing, tell her something good she is doing and reward her for that. She will see that good behavior gets privileges. If you need to snoop in her room until she is 18 and off on her own you have the right to if she gives you reason.

To be honest this is a stage many of us go through and really there is not much that you can do. She is just going to get bitter at you for taking friends away. It sounds like to me she is angry at you for moving her and from experience it takes a long time to get over. Someday she will see how her actions are affecting her life, but right now all you can really do is talk her and tell her how much you love her. She needs a positive role model in her life to look up to and that is not always easy to find. Good luck.
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