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Born in the Wrong Body? PDF Print E-mail
Story by Lorna
Parenting

 
My husband and I are dealing with a delicate situation and I'm looking for other parents who could relate. We have four wonderful children, three boys and one girl. They are each unique in their own way. Our youngest son Noah has been exhibiting signs for years that he was different. At first we thought he might be gay but it's more complicated than that.

 

At just three years old Noah would gravitate more to his sister's toys than that of his brothers. He enjoyed playing with girl toys such as dolls which made my husband uncomfortable. He was encouraged to play with his brothers but he always wound up in his sister's room. When he was four, he got into my makeup bag and put on lipstick and eye shadow when no one was looking. He came out of the bathroom smiling from ear to ear only to be told to wash it off by my husband. Noah realized he was doing something "wrong" so he tried to hide his behavior from his dad. 

Born-wrong-bodyBy age five we knew this was not just a phase he was going through. Noah wanted to start wearing girl clothes just like his sister and that's also when he began telling us he was a girl. We explained that boys have a p*nis like he does which makes him a boy and not a girl. That only led him to wanting to cut it off, that's how badly he hated his body. He said he wants to be a girl because he feels like a girl inside.

I caught him in his bedroom one day wearing his sister's dress. He proceeded to tell me once again that he was a girl and he hated having a p*nis. I became very concerned about his well being and made the decision to take him shopping for an outfit. I explained to him that he would only be able to wear it at home because other people don't understand what he feels and they would be nasty to him. I kept it a secret from my husband because I knew he would not approve of my decision. He had a hard time trying to accept his son might be gay, let alone that his son wanted to live his life as a girl.

I finally decided to tell my husband that I support our son and his feelings about being born in the wrong body. We as parents need to support Noah so he doesn't feel depressed that he was born a boy. I also told him about allowing our son to wear girl clothes in the house. He was upset but after many talks together we are prepared to stand by our child and accept him for what he is and what he is not. 
 

Comments  

 
-1 #240 ahhhh... — jess98 2011-08-29 11:34
Ya gotta love people that stand on their pedestal and scream about God and Jesus and the holy spirit. I was not exposed to homosexuality until after high school. That being said, how did I learn the behaviors that made me attracted to both sexes? I knew I was different from a very young age and grew up thinking I was sick. Science has proven that people can be born transgendered. And if your God created everything, with no mistakes, what about homosexuality documented among animal species other than primates? How did they "learn" to be gay from their environment?

To the writer... you are doing just what you should. Love your daughter, support her. She need you as she faces this world full of ignorant, little people who will attack what their small little minds can't understand. And... to all of you that believe in your fairy tales, if you're not gay, then you don't have to worry that you're going to Hell for it. You just have to worry about going to Hell for judging all of us that are gay, bisexual or transgendered.
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+3 #239 Jesus 2011-08-04 13:56
Andy you're an Idiot! :-*
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-4 #238 son — Andy 2011-05-26 18:44
I know that hypnotherapy works. My aunt smoked for years and found an ad in a magazine, called the number and they hypnotized her right over the phone. She never smoked again. No withdrawals either. I would try that. It is at least worth a try. I hope everything works out.
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-2 #237 just my opinion — Liz P 2011-05-26 18:42
I think that your son will end up having more problems if he is allowed to get away with this behavior. I believe that you should nip it in the bud and just tell him that this is how our world works. You will save him from years of humiliation and scars that go deeper then many of us know. People are unforgiving and although I understand you want to support him no matter what, you will be protecting him this way. Good Luck to you on your journey and I hope this all works out for you.
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+2 #236 RE: Born in the Wrong Body? — Dane 2011-05-26 18:40
Your son is gay ...it happens not too me but I have a bestfriend that is gay & the best advice I can give you guys as parents is let him be him. He's going to be the one you guys have to be there for the most because other kids will pick on him but he will grow to get used to it.

My best friend said the major thing that he hated in life wasn't the ppl that picked on him, it was his parents forcing him to be something he wasn't deep down inside to save themselves from embarrassment.
Growing up his dad steered away from him because of him wanting to be a her & he said it hurts that out of all his sibblings it felt like he wasn't treated as equal. He had to do things he didn't like & wasn't supported for the things he did do & it was because it was "girly" things.

Just be his backbone, support him and love him as he was a normal kid that's all they want.
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+2 #235 Jeanie 2011-05-18 13:00
Quoting Compassion:
I also want to clarify myself, Love your son with everything you guys have. But you should stop allowing it in your home as he is only a child. If you don't agree with it don't support it, no matter who it is. If your son wanted to shoot heroin in your front room, are you okay with the drug use? If not, then you guys wouldn't allow it in your home. Meaning you wouldn't support it.

I was a middle child with an older sister and younger brother. Raised by my mother and sister, I played with my sister did my sisters hair, played with her friends hair, did manicures and pedicures. It's because my mom stood up for me and directed me that a lil boy shouldn't do these girly things, plus back in the 80's growing up it was nasty as well. Also my mother raising me up in strong biblical values, I didn't end up gay. Honestly had a couple opportunites presented, but I'm a grown MAN, with a wife and two children. I can do my wife's and daughters hair. I do my wife's eyebrows and nails and all. With no feelings towards a man. So my childhood was an experience without a male figure and a strong Godly mother who played the best part of showing me how to be a man the best she could imagine. Also a lot of praying, again in this time your son needs love and loving correction.



This guy is extremely mistaken by life and values. For one, God does not exist. I grew up in an insanely Christian family, so don't think about writing me back and saying he does. Jesus is an imaginary friend for adults. Children find out that santa, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy aren't real anymore, but somewhere along the line we kept Jesus. It's ridiculous. Remember, the Bible was man written, and more people have died in the name of Jesus than any other reason. So excuse me, but f**k him. To the point though.. I have a very good friend that is a transgender. It's a real condition.

Children, at some point, will either accept what they were born as, or they will not. There are specific genetic markers that make you male or female, coming from the XY chromosome(male ) or XX(female) but it's not as simple as those two letters. Mommy carries the X of course, and daddy makes a lot of X's and Y's. When the sperm and the egg meet, they're supposed to make either a girl or a boy, but sometimes things can go wrong. My friend got genetic testing and DNA testing done was found to have the XXY chromosome. Right? Really? Is that possible? Yes. It is. Which means that she was born with a penis and male parts, but on the inside, since she was old enough to know it, knew she was female, or should have been.

And for you Jesus Freaks out there, could you possibly even imagine waking up every day in a body that you hated. That wasn't supposed to be like that, that made you feel like a mistake, a horrible nasty f**k up from YOUR GOD!?! Your god didn't make anything, certainly didn't take a day off cuz who the hell would do that?

Your child is beautiful. And don't think that it's because of the way you raised this child. You said that you had three boys. If it were the way that you raised your child all of your boys would think that they are female, right? The person who left this comment, and the original it stemmed from is an incompetent loser that only wishes that he could have as awesome an open mind as you. I think it's AWESOME and a great therapeutic thing that you have done for your child in letting him experience who he thinks he is. Rather, she. She is an awesome person and she always will be, and with the love and support that a family should give, a real family, she'll do just fine in life.Also, look into hormone replacements as estrogen instead of her going through puberty as a male. It'll do some damage to her mentally and physically if she doesn't have the breasts that she should have going through puberty. Good luck.
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+1 #234 My daughter is a boy — AngieR 2011-05-12 08:04
First of all I want to compliment you on the love and support you have for your child. The best thing you can do for your son is to let him know you love him NO MATTER WHAT! I am the mother of a 10 year old girl who has told me she was a boy from the time she was able to talk. She always exhibited male traits and has been conflicted with this for her whole life. At one time she even told me she knew there was a surgery and that was her plan. We didn't know how to help her with her emotional breakdown so we sought counseling.

She went to the counselor for a few months and then we took a trip to see my Aunt (who is gay and masculine). All of a sudden my daughter told me she didn't need counseling, that things were better. I think knowing that there are others like her made her comfortable with who she is. She dresses as a boy everyday and we accept her for who she is. She knows she can always count on us. THAT is what is important, not other peoples judgements. If you make sure that your son knows that there are people in the world filled with hate, that some of those people are dangerous, you are setting him up to be aware and informed. That is important (boys don't cry). But bottom line...love him.

If your husband can't deal with the fact that your son was born different, then he is one to watch out for because the damage a parent can do can be irreversable. Think and talk things through with him. If you feel he is not onboard with acceptance and love then it may be time to consider what your priorities are. I know for me, they are my children's health and happiness before anything else. Thank God I have a supportive husband! Good luck and take care!
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+2 #233 Some of these comments make me sick — Danielle 2011-05-11 21:51
Your son is obviously displaying signs of being transgender. People who are born transgender truly have the opposite brain for the body they were born in. Your son should have your full support, whatever he chooses. Being GAY is completely different from being transgender, because a transgender person really is a boy in a girls body or vise versa.

These religious people with their sh*tty book that is full of bullsh*t are sickening. If that offends them, I don't care. The way they talk about your son and tell you to tell him he is wrong is just ignorant. This is an innocent CHILD who can not be untruthful about what he is, because he has no reason to lie about what he feels inside. If your child still feels like he is supposed to be a girl when he is a teenager, I would seriously think about letting him transition into a SHE. Please look into transgender children and have your child see a psychiatrist so that he can better understand his condition and cope with it.

Transgender children who are forced to act like what the body they were born in looks like often become depressed and sometimes even suicidal. They mutilate their own bodies and have awful lives if they aren't allowed to be who they really are. Don't let ignorant people tell you to do anything other than be supportive. I think it's fantastic that you and your husband are supporting your little GIRL!
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0 #232 you're doing what's right, part 2 — emilyconverse 2011-05-11 20:12
I'm sorry I wanted to say one more thing. Watch the gwen raja story when your son gets a little older to understand. Have him watch, it will show him the love and support gwen got but it will also prepare him for the harsh words and reality of those who don't understand….But what I wanted to say is if a child can be born a hermaphrodite why can't they be born the wrong gender?
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+2 #231 you're doing what's right — emilyconverse 2011-05-11 19:58
As parents we are never sure if what we are doing is right...but remember hunny you are his mother and you have a mother's instinct and it's never wrong…I go to church every sunday, my whole family is baptized and soon I will be to and I whole heartedly believe that you can get trapped in the wrong body.

Don't let anyone tell you what you are doing is wrong and if they try to say your are wrong and you shouldn't let this be allowed in your home than they need to read the bible some more cause God himself says do not judge for I am the only one that can I will look in your hearts and seek for the goodness and those shall pass into everlasting life in a beautiful paradise. Another thing he says is love your neighbor as you would love yourself (because if they can't then they can't love god properly)

Hunny I support you and if you ever need some encouraging words I'm here.
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0 #230 please write me — Lynn M 2011-05-09 21:46
Please email me. I have the perfect friend that would be willing to talk to you. He is gay as well, and an author. He would be more then happy, I'm sure, to talk to you about this. He is a super nice guy, I talk to him when I need advice. That's advice on other things, I am female and not gay. But there is no reason to shame him. He is who he is... and the biggest fight you will have is those church people. I used to be one.... there is a reason why I'm not any more. They will claim he is going to hell but I swear to you he is NOT. God's arms are open to all of us. These are things my friend can help explain. You will have to talk to him about all the nasty things people will say. If he already knows about these things, and how it isn't true, then it won't be a culture shock to him... going from supportive parents to the outside world. He will have a hard path to walk... but in our own way, most of us do somewhere in our life. I would love to talk to you in private...
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-1 #229 love your child — degrassi 2011-05-08 11:45
You should watch the episode of degrassi the next generation called "my body is a cage" part 1 and 2. It talks about a boy who was born in a girl's body. The show degrassi brings light to many issues kids/teens deal with and I think this episode could bring you some insight on your situation. :)
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-7 #228 Where to start — Compassion 2011-05-06 08:54
I also want to clarify myself, Love your son with everything you guys have. But you should stop allowing it in your home as he is only a child. If you don't agree with it don't support it, no matter who it is. If your son wanted to shoot heroin in your front room, are you okay with the drug use? If not, then you guys wouldn't allow it in your home. Meaning you wouldn't support it.

I was a middle child with an older sister and younger brother. Raised by my mother and sister, I played with my sister did my sisters hair, played with her friends hair, did manicures and pedicures. It's because my mom stood up for me and directed me that a lil boy shouldn't do these girly things, plus back in the 80's growing up it was nasty as well. Also my mother raising me up in strong biblical values, I didn't end up gay. Honestly had a couple opportunites presented, but I'm a grown MAN, with a wife and two children. I can do my wife's and daughters hair. I do my wife's eyebrows and nails and all. With no feelings towards a man. So my childhood was an experience without a male figure and a strong Godly mother who played the best part of showing me how to be a man the best she could imagine. Also a lot of praying, again in this time your son needs love and loving correction.
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-9 #227 Where to start — Compassion 2011-05-06 08:33
First I'm a Christian and believe what the bible says is true. I try hard to follow it, but I'm not nor is any man perfect. Do please just hear me out. :D The thing to ask is do you and your household pratice Christian values? If so, not only does it say Jesus loves all and wants a relationship with all and forgives sin. It says homosexuality is an abomination to Him. It also says IF we repent (repent means: to turn away from) of our sins he will forgive us. So that's Christian values.

But first problem is the split of unity that was between you and your husband. Also allowing this to go on as a toddler into the age he is now 5-6yr. As the father maybe he didn't give his son enough quality time and mom did? Maybe dad could've shown the young boy what it means to be a man? Children are extremly smart nowadays. My daughter is just turning 3 and I'm blown back at her education level.

What I mean by allowing is the fact that you let him wear girls clothes and purchased girl toys for him. (MOM) It's not ok to love your child's wrong behavior, because you want them to be happy. It's your job as a parent to train up the child in the right direction to be able to live a prosperous life as a young man or young woman. You wouldn't say ohh johnny's a serial rapist, but he's my son and nobody understands him but mom and dad. We support you and love you if that makes you happy. Most the time it's mom that is overly sensitive to hurting a child's feelings, when we as parents are not correcting out children to be liked, it's to put them in a better direction for the future.

I didn't like my mom alot growing up, loved her dearly, but now that I'm older and have a child and one on the way of my own. I thank mom for the discipline, however she gave it to me. Whether it was a whipping or a sturn look. The other thing is as a Christian I don't believe in being born gay, scientifically your DNA doesn't create characteristics . You learn those on your way through young life. I believe it is a evil spirit that may enter into a child. So my next thing is the things that you guys allowed your children to watch or be apart of. This day in age media has no problem showing openly gay anything. I remember teletubbies was shut down because one of the guys was homosexual.

I remember when it was a nasty thing to be homosexual, now because Gay activists have a lot of money, they pay politicians to support their agendas. So here we are a decade later and things even in school are changing, they're having homosexual schools built. Because parents are not there hands on in their children's lives telling them that mom and dad is the way a family is supposed to be. One man, one women.

It is not my efforts to bring you down, in Jesus name I want to encourage and just ask to figure out your houshold values, because in your story it seemed like they changed. This world is wrong and everything they are pushing. Drugs, sex, alcohol, free will to do whatever you want. If you look at these places that ate getting devastated with destruction, it's mostly sin filled places. China-anti christian, new Orleans- witchcraft, lustful, California- gay Capitol of USA, Florida- lustful, drug filled and so on. I'm here for anymore insight and heart spoken words. May God place his protective hand of mercy and grace over your household, amen p.s. I hope you let your husband read this.
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+3 #226 HELP!!! — Skyla 2011-04-28 18:51
Hello My name is Skyla I am a trans-woman and I have loads of knoweldge and resources if you would like to contact me you can email me at drafter874@hotm ail.com
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+4 #225 RE: Born in the Wrong Body? — juno 2011-04-27 18:57
Good for you!!! Don't cave because of social judgements. NO ONE can live the life for another person. What's most important is that your son is happy and FEELS like he's what he was intended to be. God bless you!
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