There was someone reporting me as falsifying my drug tests and many other damaging allegations. The strange thing was the reports were only about me. A quick but important detail; my sister in law had her tubes tied at 22 years of age after having my 2 nephews, who were in high school at the time this occurred. She has never worked outside the home, as my brother has a great paying job, working MANY hours. My sister in law is EVIL, my brother never seen this of course but I had always known and I'm almost sure she knew that I knew.

So, yes my boyfriend and I did mess up, but we also got clean and the crazy part is I have 2 older kids that I still had joint custody of. Sadly, the state let my brother and her adopt my youngest son and daughter. Although I was in a way relieved they would still be in my life, but now I would be an aunt. Even though we loved one another, my boyfriend and I parted ways. He still was able to see the kids, when the 'NEW MOM' allowed it.

Fast forward 6 years, it was getting close to one of the children's birthdays and I was not contacted about a party {and there is always a party} I asked my mom and my sister but got no answers. Later I was told there was just a friends party but I don't believe it. A week later my ex-bf and I were asked to come to my mom's, we were clueless but curious. We arrived at my parents, my sister, brother and sister in law were there as well as some lady who was introduced as the kids counselor. We were told by my brother in so many words that because the kids are getting to where they are having questions about their REAL parents and they don't feel the kids are ready to know because of their age. My ex and I are no longer able to see them until they are ready {10-12yrs old} They are only 7 and 8 now.

I was shocked and hurt as this 'counselor was trying to explain it. I felt bad for my ex because I truly thought 'at least they are in my family so I'll have holidays'. Wrong! That was the next blow, no holidays for me with them and obviously not my family either. Oh and more, my older kids may spill the beans so nothing for them either. After that last blow I left but not without calling my sis in law a choice word, which I never dared to before. I did this because even though they say it's for the kids best interest, I know fully well it was all her idea. I am sure of it.

So having the kids in my life then out, is that really better? Won't they wonder what happened to me, especially because my older kids were in fact invited and attended Xmas? I however spent it all alone. It's been six months now and everyday does not get any easier. I see their faces every time I close my eyes. We live in the same town and I'm constantly looking around for them. The sister in law said they would send school pictures, NOT! I went through the photo place to obtain my own. I haven't even talked to my brother since and I miss him. I lost not only my children twice but the rest of my family as well. I am truly sad. Luckily I've been clean so long, otherwise I'd opt to be numb. My ex has been drinking a lot, I feel so bad for him.

Years, I have to wait years...