But let me get to the point of my story here. As I mentioned, yes, our son is 14. You would think that by now, our families would understand just how Tim functions, right? WRONG. For example, my niece just had a birthday party, and my sister ordered pizza from a certain restaurant that happens to cut their pizza in squares, rather than triangles. Well, Tim had been pretty hungry, but when he saw the pizza was cut in SQUARES, he became rather upset. Ok, he had a MELT DOWN. And as soon as I saw the pizza, I knew that was coming, so I took Tim outside, and told him I would call the restaurant and order another pizza, the kind he likes, and insist it be cut in triangles. This calmed him down enough so he could rejoin the party. Well, we went back inside, and my mother and sister came over and asked if everything was ok. When I told them yes, fine, I had ordered a pizza to be cut into triangles, both my sister and my mom rolled their eyes, and my sister asked me, 'Are you serious... can't we just cut the square pizzas into triangles for him?' When I said no, it's not the same thing, my mom muttered under her breath 'She spoils him....' and walked away. I was FURIOUS. My husband just about blew up when I told him what happened. He, too, doesn't understand why both our families act like they do. We have literally spent years explaining our son's behavior to our families. I have printed out literature about Asperger's, and have even bought books for them to read about it, in hopes that they'd understand why Tim is the way he is. My husband has done the same.

Our families are not stupid people - most are professionals with college degrees, yet it seems they have no interest in learning about our son's disability. And yes, it IS a disability. I have come to the realization that it's probably going to be extremely difficult for our son to live on his own when he's an adult. He's incredibly smart -- he earned the presidential academic achievement award for maintaining straight A's throughout middle school, yet when he goes to make a bowl of cereal, he pours the milk in first. And when I ask him to clean his room, he has no idea where to start and becomes incredibly overwhelmed. I have to literally stand there and tell him, ok, start with the dirty clothes in the basket - then put away the books, etc. Unless something changes in the next four years, there is no way Tim will be able to handle living on his own. He really cannot cook for himself, except maybe heat up pizza rolls in the microwave.

At this point, I want to mention Tim has a younger brother who is 10, and who does not have Asperger's. We'll call him 'Tom'. Tom is your normal kid, I guess, but maybe he's grown up a bit too fast? He seems incredibly responsible for a 10-yr old, at least to me. He knows how to do a load of laundry, load and unload the dishwasher, loves to help me cook on the stove and bake, shovels the driveway -- he does these things because he WANTS to, not necessarily because we ask. It's like he feels he has to pull some extra weight, because Tim just won't do it. When we ask Tim to do a chore, most of the time it's like pulling teeth. Again, he gets so overwhelmed. There are very few people in our lives who really 'get' Tim. And it's unfortunate! He's a great kid, and has a fantastic yet somewhat twisted sense of humor, which I love, because I'm the same way! In fact, everything about Tim is almost identical to me. We look the same, and I swear we think the same way. If Asperger's had a name back in the 70's, I'd have probably been labeled with it, too. I think the best thing Tim has in his life is -- his little brother. No matter what, Tom is there for Tim. Sure, they fight, but they make up in the cutest ways... Tom will bring Tim something he cherishes, like a certain Lego mini-figure, and say, 'You can have this for a week'. They'd be lost without each other.

So why our families don't take the time to really understand Tim just baffles me. It's like they think all of this is 'behaviorial' problems, like my husband and I let him get away with bloody hell. Like we're bad parents! Nothing could be further from the truth!! Do they realize when Tim was five, we were told he'd probably never be 'normal' and we should send him to a 'special school' until he's 18? And we refused, saying 'Why not challenge him first?' and sent him to the neighborhood school instead, where he flourished, and has gone to the 'normal' schools since? (Note: Up until 7th grade, he did receive some special education services - he became completely mainstream in 8th grade!) Do they even care?? Sure, they give him Christmas and birthday presents, hug him when they see him, all that. But unlike with the other kids in the family, no one comes to take Tim and Tom out to movies, or out to eat, or out to the mall. EVER. No one has ever said, 'Hey! Can Tim and Tom come over to our house for a sleep over?', unlike what we have done for other kids in our family. Makes me really sad. It's like they feel Tim and Tom are a matched set, and they can't take one without the other. They're missing out on a couple of really great kids, you know?? I'm sorry I got pretty long winded here -- thanks for reading this. I guess my hopes are that if you ever come across anyone with Asperger's, or autism, you give them a chance. Talk to them -- you'd be amazed at just how normal they really can be. Thanks.