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What's Next...Can You Help? PDF Print E-mail
Story by Me80
Parenting

 



I am a single mom of children ranging from 1 to 10 years old. I have a story that will floor you and I really need help somehow or other. Where do I start?  Well my life came to an abrupt stop in Nov 2008 when my infant daughter had a minor hairline fracture in her leg. Let me go back to the beginning.

 

In August of 2008, DHS got involved to help my family, which they never did. More like around to find a reason to take my kids for good and they did, lord forbid. They said since I grew up in foster care after being in a severely abusive home, that I would repeat the same patterns as my parents. They were concerned when I wasn't showing outward signs of doing what my parents did, plus no support system, so they wanted to help. Now for the record, DHS has been showing up at my door since I left foster care in 1999. From a dirty stove to someone claiming I left my child alone in the store. Never ever finding a reason to stay involved over the last 8 years prior to this case, never ever had my kids taken before.

On Nov 7th my infant daughter who then was 7 months old was placed in the hospital for a virus that was pretty severe. On Nov 11th she was released and the new sitter I just had started with a couple weeks prior really wanted to see the twins, which were my infant daughter and her brother. I said sure no problem and headed over. That was about 10:30 in the morning, at about 12:45 I left to go sign some papers from a therapist at my home. She stayed a while and played with the babies. During this time I just found I was pregnant with number 6. She left as she knew the dad of the children was coming home and he was a violent man, he didn't like people in his home that he didn't know.

He came home, and I told him Hey the baby isn't feeling good, there is some pedialyte on the counter, I got to go get my older two kids from school I'll be back in a hour or so. I came back home and right there by my front door was our bedroom. My infant daughter was on the floor, she was purple from screaming, then the two year was jumping over her. The dad had locked himself in the room. I banged on the door and he got mad at me. Stating I should of made her a bottle, that she wouldn't f--king stop crying, so he slammed her on the floor. 

I told him to leave and he proceeded to beat me, I got a couple of fractured ribs. He tried stabbing me, and fractured both my wrists. I had huge bruises up and down my body. The only reason he stopped because I told him I was pregnant, and then he left. I called my friend, she came and took me to the hospital, reported it all from what he said to what happened and then I went to a shelter. My friend was playing with my daughter and she acted fine.

From there the supervisor and her daughters took care of my kids as I couldn’t. I stayed at that shelter for about a day and a half, then went to another. On Thursday, Nov 13th my daughter saw her physical therapist as she was a  preemie and had muscle problems. As her therapist was rotating her legs she said her hip felt different. Maybe a skeletal x-ray would be good to rule out any deformities, as they thought she had cerebral palsy. So the next morning 1st thing, I took her in. The doctor came and told me they found a hairline fracture in her upper left femur and sent us to Children’s. They stated the injury was 3-4 days old and no cast was needed, just a harness for 2 weeks. From there it was a nightmare. 

I called the sitter I just hired to watch my older 3 so my daughter can stay in the hospital. She said umm let me call you back, 15 minutes later she called freaking out. How did the baby get a broken leg? she asked. I wanted to know how she knew that but she hung up the phone. The next thing I know the police stated they had a witness to what happened to my daughter. The sitter testified she knew the leg was broken but was too scared to report it. She made a 30 page police report about how horrible I am to my kids and other things. 

domestic-violence-physical-abuse-On Jan 09 she testified in juvemile court that she knew it was broken but was too scared to report it, and said that she closed her daycare because of me. But later we found out she tested positive for meth as her husband was heading off to jail for drug possession and other related charges. They tested all the adults in the home, thus why her daycare closed . Plus her stepson threatened to kill all the people in the home, but none of this was brought up in court. And they NEVER asked the therapist who played with my daughter on Tues and Thurs, who worked in an Orthopedic office for 4 years, none of the shelter staffing or nurses in the shelters who saw my kids, nor my friends who saw my daughter and played with her to testify. 

In March I was told to take a plea bargain or go to jail for 5 years for Child Endangerment causing bodily injury. They said I broke her leg as they say I had a underlying anger problem. Stating she would of cried during diaper changes or interaction that I was ignoring the injury because I broke it. So I took 2 years probation with defer sentencing and expunged off my record in 2011. I took 3 physiologic tests, 2 said I was normal but angry, and the 3rd said I had a mood disorder and something else, all in under a year, and all identical tests. Finally the worker was happy with the last report. I took 2 parenting classes, anger management and been to every visit asked of me.

Then in Sept of last year the dad of the younger 4 of my kids ranging from 1 to 4 years old, got temp custody of them. I was residing in my own apt and him in Omaha. The judge gave me 6 hrs to leave my home with just my clothing, so he could have a place for the kids. (I have the court order proving it). So I was homeless, and the state has seen his anger (state actually blamed the domestic violence on me, even though I had all the bruises, scratches and other things on me and he had nothing)

He never spent more then 3 hours a week with the kids. He was always out doing his own thing, didn't want them, so he had no understanding what to do, and still doesn’t. The older 2 kids are with their dad, and I have 50/50 custody. But the state of Iowa said I'm never getting my kids back. Basically no matter what I do. I don't do drugs or alcohol. I'm in school to be in the medical field with a steady job.

I am supposed to see my kids couple hours a week, but since the dad of the younger 4 is only 25 he can barely handle them. So usually I show up to help, which if the state knew I'd be in serious trouble. His home is filthy and it smells, has roaches like no other. He rarely bathes the kids, they have unexplained scratches and bruises on them. The state just blames the other kids for the marks and they show up in his home once a month. They notify him of the visit, so he gets it all cleaned up. 

I have a lawyer I can't afford, who has stated this case has so many holes, problems and lies, it will take years to clear it all up and get something solve. He basically called it a witch hunt. I've been accused of poisoning my kids, with no tests or anything to prove it. Just one time 2 out of the 6 kids got diarrhea after a visit and that was my fault like I did something to their food. They have never seen me hit, push, or yell at my kids. I even get in trouble if I show I get overwhelmed due to a child not listening.That shows I can't handle my kids they say. 

I miss my kids. I'll never got out the mode of being a mom and never will. My older two kids miss their younger 4 siblings terribly, as it's up to the dads if the kids see each other and they hate each other. I've never been in trouble, graduated high school at 16, and overcame a terrible childhood. All I want is my life back.

The case is still open, as the custody of the younger 4 is pending and the juvenile court is waiting for that. Yes I get to see my kids, but I am hiding, which is tiring. It's not the same as having them in my home, day and night, enjoying all the small details that come with childhood. I am hiding in the background helping him to succeed because if he fails we loose our kids, they will terminate our rights if he doesn't make it work and since I've been a good mom to my kids I'll always be there. No complaints here about that, just want my kids home for good, where they are safe. Been screwed over way too long. 


 

Comments  

 
0 #5 RE: What's Next? Can You Help?angel2011 2011-04-29 01:00
I know exactly what you're going through. I have 4 children that Children services took away from me and terminated my rights to back in March of 2010. It was the most heartbreaking and overwhelming thing I have ever had to go through. I did everything children services asked me to right down to leaving my husband and getting my own place.

They had it out for me since day one and they were determined to take my children and adopt them out. I recently had a son on april 8th and even though he fills part of that hole in my heart it will never be completely filled until I can find and see my children again. I know that it won't be until they are 18 but that's the only thing keeping me with hope. I haven't seen them since March of 2010. I pray one day I will be able to find them and be able to have some kind of relationship with them. I know how depressing and hurtful it can be without your children and i still cry. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to email me at ha_i_saw_u_trip @yahoo.com
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+1 #4 RE: What's Next? Can You Help?Krissy 2011-02-02 18:49
I don't want to be a terrible person…but it sounds like there IS some child endangerment…I mean, you KNEW the guy you were with was abusive and got angry when people were in his house. You knew he never spent any good time with the kids and that he hurts you and them...

Still, you are letting yourself have more kids than you are able to care for on your own. You are staying and keeping your kids with the abusive, mean guy…You didn't notice the child's broken leg… Yes, you were injured and going through a lot... but point blank, no one was with the infant responsible enough to care for it and assess her injuries...

Your babysitter was busted for meth, as was her whole household, so you either ignored the warning signs, ignored the meth use, or just weren't in a position of being aware enough to NOTICE problems... people on meth do NOT keep immaculate houses or keep their lives in order... you would have known it wasn't right if you were in an ok place yourself.

So…my opinion is, you need to take ownership of the fact that your children weren't being properly cared for... and you need to pray for them now, and get yourself on track. I hate that they are with someone else that's not good... maybe you need to start cooperating with the courts and start getting your kids into better care... away from both of you for the time being.

Really, I'm not trying to hurt you, but the only way you can turn things around is to first admit the things YOU did wrong... and then CHANGE them.
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0 #3 MindyGuest 2010-09-01 12:08
That'd be great. I'm always looking for new support and friends mine is kayteejj@hotmai l.com :-)
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0 #2 wowGuest 2010-08-15 23:01
This is really depressing. not only do your children have to be away from their mother, but they have to be with the man who has hurt them. I am scared from them as I am sure you are.
I really hope you get your children back. The system sounds so corrupt and who knows what could happen by the time you prove the truth, if you ever can.
If there is anything I can do, or you just need someone to talk to, reply on here and I will give you my email address.
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0 #1 Bad CaseBeezy 2010-06-28 11:46
I'm so sorry about this. I don't know how you can live without your children. I have a 2 year old daughter that is my life. I cried while reading your post. I hope you get your kids back and choose a better partner. You deserve better. Good luck.
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