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I'm putting away sister's boyfriend PDF Print E-mail
Story by angel2011
Relationships

 

sister-Abusive-Boyfriend

I have a little sister who is going to be 21 in June. When she was 15 she had a son and at 16 she started dating this guy named Johnny who was 32 at the time and got pregnant by him. My mother being the ignorant selfish woman she is did nothing to stop this relationship.

My sister had her second child 2 years ago in October by Johnny and when she was pregnant with the baby girl her boyfriend began abusing her.(This is the first time she mentioned it to me so I'm not sure when the abuse really began). It started off with him play hitting her but too rough and telling her to suck it up when he hurt her to now, he is full blown beating her to the ground.

My sister is due to have her 3rd child in April. He went to prison for a while and she waited faithfully for him and even got a job so she can send him money in there and when he got out things got really bad. He is currently out on parole. A few weeks ago the calls from her started coming regularly. She would tell me he is back on drugs and he left her at a store with her kids or hit her or choked her and they get more violent each time.

Last night I had enough! She called me hysterical saying they were at his mom's and he hit her in the face. So she tried to get out of her Expedition and he grabbed her by her hair and drug her on the side of the truck a few feet. I begged her to call the cops but she just wanted a ride to leave his mom's before he came back. I talked his mom into bringing her over here. His mother pays all my sister's bills since my sister got laid off and being pregnant can't find another job. The mother acted like it was my sister's fault because she provoked her son!

He came over to my house threatening me and last night after this fight they had and I called the cops on him. They picked him up at a dope house down the street and let him go because my sister said it was too hard to put him away and then lied to the cops. I was furious they didn't arrest him after what he did to her. I tried to get it through my sister's head that she doesn't have to go through that. Her kids see him beat her up and I'm scared for their lives now.

I don't want to bury my sister or her unborn baby over this loser so today I called his parole officer and they agreed to let me testify to the parole board on my sister's behalf so he will be locked away and she will be safe again. I haven't told my sister but I know she's going to be really upset over me doing this and it will probably make her not want to talk to me or let me see her kids anymore. But I would rather know they are safe and she is ok then to dread seeing her number come up every night and hear the things he has done this time.

Am I wrong for trying to put him away behind her back? I don't know how I'm going to tell my sister because I know she will find out once they lock him up again. I probably should have stayed out of it but I'm stressed out to the point to where I'm complicating my own pregnancy to protect her and I refuse to sit back and let him get away with this. What should I do?
 

Comments  

 
0 #14 Abuse and the outcome — Pilot girl 2012-01-12 08:38
I would so like to know the outcome of this situation. Did you testify, did he return to the cell where he belongs, and has your Sis realized yet that you are the intelligent voice in the dark? If not, you have still done the right thing and she needs counseling. Badly. You may have saved children from going to prison for murder, your Sister going to prison for murder, or saved the family the loss of your Sis and her children and the final memory being of seeing their caskets lowered into the ground.

Reality is not always easy nor is the right thing to do always the decision that merits you applause and hugs from those you love. I grew up in an abusive home, after 51 years my father finally killed my Mother - never served a day - and I remember wishing all my life he would die and planning how heavy the rifle would be and wondering if he would take it away from me after I shot him and give me a whipping. Those were the thoughts of a very small child.

My heart hurts for you and your family. You're in the right place. Start a domestic violence council - I did, in a county where one did not exist. No, it is not easy. These crimes are ugly and no one wants to admit to being a victim because of the shame associated with it. Because of the old myth "she could just leave if she wanted to" and because of fear of the unknown. Believe this. If she is being abused, those precious children are being abused. More than anyone cares to admit. Your next recourse may be to confront your Sister and tell her if she returns to that home environment you will report it to Child Protective Services and they will remove those darling souls. That alone has scared many Mothers into sensible actions.

Life won't be easy but without counseling, free support groups, and a change of additiude, she is going to repeat selecting the same kind of man over and over again. She must change, get some self reliance and some self esteem from somewhere and the validation that 'Yes She Can.' Be available to her. She may be angry now but if she recovers from this low self esteem and gets an education about what all domestic violence is, she is going to be eternally grateful to you. Please post the outcome and keep us all informed. You and your family are in my prayers.
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+1 #13 Put him away — Good job! 2011-06-26 20:25
I work at an A&D facility and we have a poster hanging in one of the group rooms. It is a poster on domestic violence, it clearly states "he beat her 150 times and she only got flowers once" they lay on top of her casket.
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+3 #12 putting sister's boyfriend away — jen 2011-03-04 07:19
I'm really proud of you for doing this...my sister and her husband were alcoholics and would beat their kids when they were drunk. We have tried to keep them in jail but it was so hard my nephew and niece have seen it all while growing up..My nephew now is an adult with kids of his own and he is having his own trouble breaking the cycle…I'm glad you're helping your sister and your nieces and nephews out she will thank you in the end...
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+3 #11 Do as much as possible — A.E 2011-03-01 15:55
You are doing the right thing by sending him to jail. However, this will not solve the problem. Your sister seems to have a psychological cycle with abuse that can only be broken by her. Considering that she has children, this is a really bad thing. Honestly, she should lose custody until she can prove that she no longer suffers from the abused mentality. Otherwise, she will just wait for him to get out or find another just like him and put her children in that situation that endangers their lives.
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+3 #10 way to go sis — gary 2011-02-27 05:14
Put him in jail where he belongs. I grew up in a family where my dad was just like your sister's boyfriend and watched my mother and siblings get beat for years. No man is worth a life of beatings. My dad has been dead for 35 years and I still have hate for him.
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+3 #9 RE: I'm putting away sister's boyfriend — mommy_g 2011-02-27 01:28
I think you are absolutely right in what you are doing. some people just get so blinded by love & think that it will change...yada, yada. I know, because I've been there. My last ex did everything under the sun to me & it was so hard for me to let go because I am 32 weeks pregnant with his child. I keep hoping he will change for our daughter.
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+4 #8 Put him away!!! — Nellie 2011-02-26 20:38
Absolutely...He doesn't deserve to be out on the streets. He is a S.o.b and how dare he get away with this. If you don't turn him in, you will live with the guilt and perhaps live with the death of your sister. Your sister will forgive you one day, and so will those kids. YOU BETTER TURN HIM IN!!!
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+6 #7 RE: I'm putting away sister's boyfriend — Morgen 2011-02-26 18:41
Way To Go! I may not know you, but I am Soooo proud of you!!! I just wish there were more people like you in this world! You just saved your sister's life and made her children's life soo much better.

I was the child watching my mom get beat. It is not cool at all being scared and not knowing what to do at such a young age!! Very very scary and sad. I know that it is not ok for anyone to lay their hands on their spouse or loved one, but some kids grow up thinking it's ok because it happened to their parents.

So don't ever think you did anything wrong!!! You are a great person/sister and aunt!!!
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+5 #6 sisters rule — Becky 2011-02-26 01:46
She might be coming to you knowing that you'll do what you needed to keep her safe. When you go to court ask the DA to impose a stay away order so there can be no contact and she will have a chance to move on. The break away is the hardest. After that she can maybe find true love w/o abuse. God bless you for taking care of her.
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+7 #5 Thanks everyone — angel2011 2011-02-24 17:30
Thanks to you all. I feel like I'm doing the right thing because she feels like she can't do it because they have kids together. To me those kids are not safe in that enviroment so it's not helping them to have him around.

I told my sister yesterday that I was the one that called and she just said ok but when she came to our mom's house she started acting weird when my boyfriend and I showed up. Her son said Hi to my boyfriend and she told him not to be talking to people and made him go to the room. Then when my mom let him walk around outside and she realized I was there she made them go back inside. I just got up and left.

I love her kids and I don't want them to have to grow up in the middle of their mommy's problems. My sister should know first hand. Her father beat up our mom for 13 years while we watched. Her son is only 3 and he tells me to tell his mom to call the cops and let daddy go to jail. I just hope he doesn't end up being abusive when he gets older.
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