|Am I ready for a divorce?|
I am the CEO of our family and responsible for all things child related, bills, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, gift buying, remembering birthdays/holidays, most yard work, doctors appointments, prescriptions, car maintenance, etc. I work approximately 30 hours a week outside the house and have an amazing job/employer.
My husband works for a large financial services corporation. He works hard and is very successful at his job. He works approximately 50-55 hours a week and travels another 10 hours a week. He has ADD and takes anti-depressants. He is always tired and he blames the medications. He is also very social and loves to hang out with his friends. He frequently has friends over to watch games or is going out to bars. He doesn't know how to control his drinking and drinks way too much on the weekends. When he drinks he becomes verbally abusive towards me (he has never hit me and I'm not worried that he will).
Due to the current housing crisis we are upside down on our mortgage and have struggled with some credit card debt. He has been told by his employer that foreclosure and/or a short-sale could result in him being laid off. I worry that if I was to leave him, he would allow the house to be foreclosed on to purposefully lose his job, thus resulting in him not being able to help me financially with child care related costs.
For the past year (or more), I have felt overwhelmed by all of my responsibilities. No matter how often I ask for assistance from him, I constantly get told that he doesn't have time (since he works so much), or he agrees to help but doesn't follow through, or he just ignores my request. He is a total slob and now with 3 kids I feel like I really have 4. Our friends comment all the time, that I am an angel for putting up with him. I get angry every time I have to pick up his clothes off the floor, put his dishes in the dishwasher, open his mail to pay his bills, etc. I vent my frustrations out loud and my kids have started saying "Daddy bad again." I know this is horrible and I shouldn't say things like this in front of my kids, but my bigger concern is becoming my kids.
I don't want my kids, especially my sons to grow-up thinking that women should do everything. I want them to learn responsibility, to pick-up after themselves, to treat woman right, etc. I don't want my sons to think that in order to have fun alcohol must be involved. That someone will always be there to clean up your mess (whether physical mess, financial, etc.), and that doing a job half-way is acceptable. I could go on and on.
I know I made the decision to have children with this man, but now that I learn more and more about how he feels they should be raised, I disagree with 95% of his parenting values (ex. he thinks the kids should learn to fight so that they can be the bully. I think they should learn to be nice so they have friends and don't need to fight). He doesn't want to spend time with me or the kids and uses work and his friends as excuses to get out of doing stuff with us. Recently the kids and I went on an extended trip, and he didn't call us once and when I got home his laundry was waiting for me.
I know this probably doesn't sound horrible to some women, because I do realize some women are in much worse positions. Ideally, I'd like to get full custody of the kids, divorce my husband and move back to my parents home (500 miles away). However, since my parents divorced when I was a child, I don't want to take my children away from their father because I know how much that hurts. I don't know how I can afford to offer my kids the life they are used to on my own living in the region of the country that we currently do.
My husband and I have an almost sexless marriage (in fact the last time we had sex I ended up pregnant with our 3rd child). We are not intimate with each other at all, except for the forehead kiss I get daily before he leaves for work. My husband is an only child and as such is very selfish. He never offers to help with the kids and when he does help with the kids it is because I make him. Therefore I am not worried about being a single mom. I can do that. I am worried about money, and where is the best place to raise my kids and moving forward with life in the best way possible for my kids.
I look forward to hearing from others that have been in similar situations and how they handled them.
- 3 guests