But, life has had it's bumps. Nothing too serious. Unknown to me she began to develop a drug habit (pills). This led her to get connected to others that could get these for her. Things seemed to change, she spent a lot of time at her sister's. She didn't care if she did things with us. We had a great sex life. There still was romance and laughter. But something was not right.

One night I got up at about 1:30 am. She was not in bed. I got something to drink and noticed that the spare bedroom had a glow coming from under the door, like a TV light. I opened the door to find my beautiful wife staring into her new, I HAVE to have, laptop. Her blond hair so soft around her shoulders. Her eyes wide with excitement as she typed, and she even had a slight smile as she stopped and waited for whomever to respond. She was so focused she did not notice I entered the room. I smiled at her thinking she was researching something fun or crazy for the kids...She saw me and quickly slammed her computer and yelled, "GET OUT"! I was taken back.

I immediately grabbed for the computer. Guilt, anger and terror were on her face. She didn't resist, thinking she had closed the computer all the way. She had not, a blanket got caught in it. I opened it up and saw: "I LOVE YOU and want you so bad"….When she saw the page was still open she snatched the computer and ran off. The room began to spin. I was sick. Her purse was on the floor, I picked it up and walked out of the house and drove away. I returned the next morning at 6 am. She wasn't there. She left our 3 young kids alone all night. We talked on the phone and she said it was nothing, it was just stupid, dirty chatting. She said she loved me and was terribly sorry. She said much more and I began to feel better. I loved this woman, she was what made me great. Our children, my life..all was with her. I told her to come home, and she said yes and then she said something very odd. She asked if I had her address book? Yes, I did and yes I did look through her purse and found nothing. She just explained that she had an appt. and couldn't remember what time...HHHHMMM, very odd.

I researched her address book and pulled it apart. A four page letter fell out. A four paged finished letter to be sent out that day. It was sickening. It was horrific. It was full of I love you! I hate him. I can't wait to divorce him, take his money and live with you. I folded the letter and put in my pocket and packed my clothes. She came home as I was finishing. No words were necessary. Ok enough pain??  Not done yet.

I bought a home and my son came with me. I lost my job because of a complete break down of my life. I took a job earning half of what I was. 6 weeks later, I sat down to go on my computer, which my wife had been using to chat with this guy. I was not a computer person. I went on my yahoo and I had 5 IM's from some guy. They were threats and stories of sex with my wife. Ok a small stab in the stomach...these were written the days following my moving out....but my wife promised me and swore on our children they had never met. I didn't believe her, but it felt good to have her protect me a bit. TOO late, but nice.

3 months later, I filed for divorce. My wife and I were getting along GREAT. We even had sex, several times. I was in full denial and fine with it. She would come over and cook/clean the house for us. All was ok. I was ready to cancel the divorce and see what could happen. I loved her sooooo much. One day I was coming home from work and got a text from her. "I LEFT YOU A LETTER ON YOUR PILLOW".

I raced home and foolishly opened it. She had cleaned her conscience, brutally at my expense. She told me everything. That he was a young black male and meant nothing to her but got her pills. How they had sex, when, where, and worst of all why. She blamed me. She said she hated me! The day before we had dinner together?

I can't truly describe the violent pain it caused me, even today, 5 1/2 years later. A few times I so wanted to end my life as that letter ripped at me. I am glad I didn't waste my life and hurt my children for that. I am ok.

P.S. No we don't talk, except through the kids when we have to. And yes I am still single. I don't think I will ever be ok to date.