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I consider him addicted PDF Print E-mail
Story by Camilla
Relationships

 



I caught my husband watching "movies" on his laptop several times after I went to bed. He said it's no big deal and I shouldn't worry because all men do it. If it's not a big deal then why does he hide it from me?

 

I asked him why he feels the need to watch such filth and he tells me he's been watching since he was a teen. It makes me feel dirty knowing he does this behind my back. I'm worried I'm not enough woman for him. I look good but I can't compare to those girls. My self esteem has been affected and I wonder when we're having sex if he's fantasizing about them.

My husband claims he can stop watching it whenever he wants. I think he's only fooling himself. I believe he is addicted to it and he's in denial. I'm actually concerned that he might go behind my back and cheat on me. Every time he's a few minutes late from work I panic. I now check his emails and cell phone to make sure he's not up anything wrong. He claims he would never betray me but I'm not sure I can trust him.

porn_addictI told my good friend about my problem and she laughed it off as no big deal. She says I should feel lucky he's just on the computer and not going out seeking other women. Needless to say, I found no comfort in her statement. I no longer talk to her about this topic because we don't see eye to eye.

I decided to post my story to get input from others. I don't know where to go from here and I could use some advice. Thanks


 

Comments  

 
-3 #7 Really? Are you THAT paranoid?Sara 2011-10-11 16:11
Has he cheated before or have you been cheated on before? Did daddy run out on you when you were young or something? Maybe mommy was a stripper? I don't care if I get flamed for this, you are being a b!tch about this, really. There are SO MANY much worse things he could be doing to you right now, you have no idea. Get over it. Men need to ejac*late every so often for their own health and well being. Maybe you need to do him more?

Also...if you have to seduce a man you've already married, something is wrong. Examine your love life hunny, cause that's where the problem is. Remember, whether it's naughty pictures or smutty videos, in the end they are only pixels and he will never find anyone who looks like one of those girls that's willing to do him, and I'm sure he knows it.

I'll put it this way, I'm fantasizing right now about reaching through the computer and strangling a friend of mine for being just as stupid as you are right now, but I'm not gonna actually go to their house and strangle them. That would just be wrong. It's kinda like that, though much less disturbing. Have a nice day.
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-1 #6 RE: I consider him addictedkathleen 2011-10-08 07:47
I feel your pain. My husband looks at a lot of p0rn as well. Normally it doesn't really bother me. But it seems excessive when he is downloading it onto his laptop sitting on the couch with our two children nearby. I have worried that it has become a habit that he can't break. It has even escalated to him looking at beastiality videos.
I know that it is exciting to see taboo things, but dogs? please.

I haven't brought it up yet. How do you ask your husband why he needs to see stuff like that? If I do, he'll know I know (if he doesn't already) and he will just get defensive. I understand his need for fantasy and his greater need for sex than me, but if he used some of his time and energy seducing me instead of searching for, looking at and downloading p0rn, our love life would be a lot better. I love him, and don't intend to leave him, but sometimes it does feel like he is cheating. Whether he is or not is debatable.
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-1 #5 I agreeM. 2011-09-02 07:17
A little over a year ago I found that my husband had signed up for an affair site, and a site that you can pay a woman to mast*rbate and do other things for you on the webcam. It started out with p0rn, he would download many in a day and never delete it. It worried me but I told myself that a man will be a man and it's just fantasy. Then he started to mast*rbate to porn instead on being intimate with me. Granted I was pregnant but more then willing. We had discussed it and he said he would stop, and in times when I couldn't then he could. But after a few months I found the affair site and other sites and they had been started before the discussion about p0rn. He denied the affair sight but it was his name, his email and his password. He said the other sight was because he wanted more free p0rn.

P0rn lead him to that, where he wanted more, I can't make any assumptions about the affair site but I think he wanted something more exciting seeing as he was over seas when he signed up for it. We fought, I cried and he swore that p0rn would stop, and he would get rid of it all because of the affect it was having on our marriage and him. Then 6 months passed, things were good and something weirded me out so I checked his computer, he had been mast*rbating to p0rn again. I left but I love him so I returned. I thought this would never be a problem again, till one morning I woke up early to seduce him before he had to leave for work and I caught him doing it again......

P0rn has been a major problem in our marriage, now I'm hurt and feel as if he promises me nothing and seeing the affect this has on me means that the "love" he has for me is just a lie. I don't know where to go from here but I know that p0rn has left me emotionally battered and broken and it's a while before I can pick myself up again. :cry:
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+1 #4 Get Over itseether 2011-08-06 11:30
I don't mean to be a downer, but men will be men. He feels the need to hide him watching p*rn from you because he knows you well enough to know you'll react like this. All he wants is his privacy. It has nothing to do with you not being good enough. P*rn is made so that men can dream and fantasize about things they cannot have. You just need to trust that he knows fantasies are never as good as you think they will be.

For example: my boyfriend watches p*rn. I'm okay with him doing that (sometimes I watch with him).. The videos that he watches are 3some p*rnos. Both he and I have the fantasy of having a 3some, but know that the reality would not be as good as just thinking about it. In fact we both know that doing so would change our relationship and our feelings. Him watching p*rn does not mean that he is going to go out and find two hussies or skanks to outplay his wildest dreams.

However, if I acted the way you did and spied on him, betrayed his trust, and completely blew him watching p*rn out of the frame, that's a different story... Watching p*rn is natural activity not "such filth." Get off of his back and leave him be before you drive him to cheat... or spice up your love life. Find out why it is that he watches it and see if you can't work out a deal with him in your favor. Good luck with this and please don't react so harshly on him.
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+3 #3 RE: I consider him addictedmelaylay 2011-07-24 18:49
I don't mean to be a downer but I agree with your friend it's just p*rn & A LOT of guys watch it and have since they were young. It's not a step away from cheating at all like someone else said, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Just because that was their situation doesn't mean it's yours and it has nothing to do with you & how you are in bed or the way you look. He's probably just used to doing it for so long & actually might use it to get ideas on how you guys can be more creative in bed you never know, freaking yourself out over something as small as watching p*rn is in my book not very smart, as you don't want to push him to cheating because you're so self conscious ya know.

I'd just step back, realize this isn't as bad as catching him cheating because he's really not doing anything but pleasing himself. So let him watch his p*rn, maybe suggest you buy/rent one and watch it together if you're into that sorta stuff that way you're included in the fun. I just don't think it's that big of deal but if it really bothers you all you can do is talk to him about how you feel and come to a compromise on the situation. Good luck & hope things work out.
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-1 #2 Demand change or leaveThialee 2011-07-23 04:17
This behavior is one step away from cheating. I bet he is cheating too. This would not be aceptable if it were you doing it, so no matter what excuse he gives, tell him it is unacceptable and if he wants to watch wh*res, then he can do it without you. Kick his butt out the door, suggest that he has an addiction, (He's been doing it since he was a teen? He is addicted. Show him a website to get help, then tell him it is up to him. P*rn or you.

This is a total dead end. Men that think only of their p*nis is not a good relationship candidate. You know in your heart that it is wrong. He knows it makes you upset, yet doesn't seem to care enought to stop? BS! Are there things you do that he doesn't like? Show him how when you disregard someone you love feelings that it feels bad. You can't let this go on, change all his passwords, force the issue, if he throws a big baby with dirty diaper tantrum, then you know he doesn't give a darn about your feelings.

I am on your side, I have had to put an end to a wonderful marriage when I caught him sneaking out in the middle of the night going to strip joints "to have a beer", How stupid do these guys think we are? He is still trying to get me back, I don't love him anymore because of how long he ignored my wishes and feelings.
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+2 #1 Same problemA. 2011-07-16 17:06
I have been with my boyfriend for about two years now. To the best of my knowledge the guys I dated before my current boyfriend did not watch filthy videos like my boyfriend does now. Perhaps I am just being naive. Anyway, it started with him looking at other woman in public and making comments on how other women looked. This also shocked me, I had never experienced it before. When I found out he had a large amount of videos on his computer I tried breaking up with him, but he said he would erase then and stop. He did erase them, but never stopped, that was over a year ago.

I have stayed with him because I got pregnant and we now have an 8 month old beautiful baby girl together. I have still caught him looking at videos on his computer, cell phone, and even looking at girls facebook pages who are 17 and 18 year old. I have spoken to several people about this. Because like you my self esteem has severely been affected. I no longer want to be intimate with him because I am extremely self conscious and hurt. I broke up with him just a few days ago, we are in the process of finding separate places to live.

You need to know that this may be "normal" to some men's standards, but that doesn't mean it is ok, or you have to deal with it. I am not only leaving because I refuse to give myself to someone who seeks out other pleasure from other sources etc, but because of our daughter. I know what a good man is because of who my father is. Our daughter will see her father look at other women or eventually find out he watches filth and think that is ok and that is the way her boyfriend/husband can treat her. If I don't stand up for myself then I am also letting my daughter down. Plus, I would rather be alone than say it is ok for my partner to want someone/something else. Put your foot down. Leave.
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