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| I Married a Mama's Boy |
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| Relationships | ||
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My husband Mark and I will be married three years this coming November. There is one constant source of problems in our relationship, his mother. She is driving a wedge between us but my husband doesn't see it that way. My mother in law feels the need to call her son on a daily basis and he always runs over to her house when she snaps her fingers. I never knew my husband was such a mama's boy until after we got married. I'm close to my parents too, but they don't get in my business unless I ask them for advice. When Mark proposed to me, his mother tried talking him out of marrying me. She wanted him to reunite with his old flame. When I came into the picture she brought up the possibility of them getting back together every time I saw her. Mark and I went through with our wedding which she did not attend. His mother still doesn't approve of our marriage and she lets it be known. I'm not sure why she doesn't like me. I don't care for the woman either, but I tolerate her for my husband's sake. I have been nothing but nice to her and now I'm done trying to please her. I just wish she would butt out of my business. The problem is my mama's boy-husband runs and tells her everything. I asked Mark not to involve his mother in our marriage but he doesn't respect my wishes. Every time we have an argument his mother knows about it. She baby's him and tells him I'm at fault. He's under the assumption that he's not doing anything wrong in our marriage. I know other men out there don't rely solely on their mom's input like my husband does. Mark has guy friends he could talk to but he chooses not to, instead he goes to the one woman who never has anything nice to say about me. Her advice to him is, that if we're having so many problems in our relationship then he should file for divorce. I personally don't believe in divorce. I want my marriage to work but I feel like I'm the only one fighting to keep it going. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this without my mama's boy husband putting in any type of effort. If you are reading this and you're involved in a relationship with a mama's boy, my advice is get out before it gets too serious. No one, not even you will take the place of his dear mother. Trust me, I know all to well how it feels to be second best. |
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SEX. It's the one thing his mother can't give him. It also drawls him closer to you. Now this may sound petty and unattractive but think it out. You keep giving him something he needs and he will appreciate it. You need to realize that this is a war for rights to your husband and a free life. I say fight, fight, fight. Don't give up!
You may think this won't work but it does! And as a bonus side effect the lines of communication may be more open after sex. Use that time to your full advantage. Oh and don't ever underestimate your mother in law, she will use ever cheap trick in the book. Remember give him sex like you're a sexaholic and you will see results. The more the better. You could even initiate it before your mother-in-law is supposed to come over and if she walks in on you, that will put a damper on coming over for her. And you never know your husband might even ask her to stop, so you two have more time alone.
The best way to cut short phone time is to distract him, with sex. Come out in lingerie, or do a strip tease. Trust me if you play your cards right he will get off the phone. This will take alot of resolve on your part. But it works! He married you in spite of his mother, don't forget that! And your mother in law has years of experience manipulating him and running him. Sex helps remind him of his desires and needs as a man. Those things are very powerful. Don't lose heart!
He told me before that they will always come first because if we don't work out they will always be there for him. That makes me think that he already thinks the worse for us. When we first moved in together that was the majority of the arguments we had. And now if i tell him anything he blows up. It's ridiculous. If I had really paid attention to how close he was to his family I probably would've had second thoughts. And he got upset because I didn't want to take my FIRST family vacation with his sisters. I'm sorry but no. Good luck on this because I've tried to set boundaries and it hasn't worked. His mother doesn't butt in but I'm sure he would let her if she wanted to. We've been married 2 yrs and it still hasn't changed. And honestly I know it never will.
If you stay then you will be the one hurt in the end. If you stay and have children she will eventually talk him into taking them from you. So, I’m not telling you to just run, but yet to really look at life and real happiness.
I don't know if you two are Christians, but if you are you can always point out to him that it says that you shall leave your mother and father and cling to your wife. He needs to cling to you. It doesn't mean that he can't have a good and solid relationship with his mother, but he needs to set his priorities correctly. You should be his queen and he should be your king. He married you, not his mother!
Maybe you can have his mother come over for supper and you, your husband, and her can sit down and set some boundaries down. Setting boundaries that are healthy is imperative for you and for any relationship. His mother needs to learn to let go of her hold on her son and let him grow to be the man that she raised. Allow him to have his own life with his family and feel blessed to be part of that.
Trust me, she would have done the same thing to the other woman who was previously in the picture, had he married her. Mamma just wants control and he's being very disloyal to you and his family, which you and his children are. You're his first priority and he's showing you great disrespect by sharing your private life with your mother-in-law.
I would have a very calm but very frank talk with him. I would make no promises I did not intend to keep. You need to explain to hubby, that it's time to grow up if he wants Mamma in the picture and in your marriage. If he's not willing to keep your marriage sacred and allow you some dignity through privacy, then you will be moving on because you deserve better.
If this is something so ingrained in him, that he truly can't see how to undo this abnormal tie with Mom, then insist you enroll in counseling. However, if this doesn't change very soon, like in another six months, get out. He likely isn't going to grow up and he's that way because that's how mamma raised him to be. You're not likely to rehabilitate him at this stage. I am speaking from experience here.
God Bless You All!
I was always second to know everything and eventually stopped paying attention for lack of things to say when he called because he poured his heart out to his mom everyday before calling me. Poor guy...I was angry because if I had married him it would have been a mother F**king joke & I invested 8 years worth of mental stress over why it wasn't working for me(over and over and over). He wonders why I broke up with him so many times..
Don't play the victim, you bear some responsibility here and need to own up to it. Then, have the tough conversations with both your husband and mother-in-law.
There is way too much childish advice in this blog. Be an adult, confront them and talk it out until a satisfactory solution has been reached. And if you can't find a satisfactory solution, then leave him or reside yourself to putting up with it for life.
But seriously don't give up on your relationship with your husband bacause of it. That's just an easy answer but will it really make you happy? No because then you'd be alone.... I say take his mom out to lunch or invite her to dinner alone. Figure out your differences and make compromises. That's what I did and believe me I was scared to death, but honestly it was the best thing that ever happened.
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