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A Miscarriage is a Heartbreaking Experience PDF Print E-mail
Story by Aggie
Pregnancy & Motherhood

 
I first met my best friend Michelle in sixth grade when she transferred schools. We had a lot in common and started hanging out all the time.Our moms became friends too and that meant we got to see each other a lot more. We went through thick and thin together. It was always reassuring knowing we had each others back. There were so called friends and even boyfriends who tried to get between our friendship. They might have tried but never succeeded. Michelle is someone I trust with my life. I know I can always count on her. I don't have lots of friends and I'm fine with that. I believe in the quality and not the quantity of friends. 

 

I was Michelle's maid of honor at her wedding and she was mine. Our husbands get along well and we often go out together. Even though we see each other on a regular basis, we also spend many hours on the phone every week. I became pregnant with my daughter first, Michelle got pregnant a couple months after me. We were so excited that our babies were going to be so close in age.

She was only ten weeks along when she started bleeding and ended up having a miscarriage. It was devastating for her, she was really looking forward to becoming a first time mom. I know she was really depressed but somehow she pulled it together and became really involved in my pregnancy. She went to most of my doctor visits when my husband couldn't make it.
 
Michelle organized my baby shower and I think she bought out most of Babies R Us. It must have been hard for her when I gave birth and she got to hold my baby girl. She didn't show it but I know she was sad about her baby not making it. Being the great friend she is, she helped me quite a lot after the baby was born. I could always count on her as my baby sitter. I never have to ask, she insists my husband and I need time alone.
 
miscarriageAbout two years ago Michelle and her husband were finally ready to trying getting pregnant.  It took only a few months and she became pregnant again. We were all nervous but once she passed the three months mark, we breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going smooth and we were anxiously awaiting the baby's arrival. Michelle and I painted the baby's nursery and we were in the process of setting up the room. She found out she was expecting a boy and picked out the name Nathan.
  
I'll never forget that dreadful Sunday when Michelle called me. I could barely make out what she was saying as she was telling me what happened. She was so hysterical and called me from the hospital after she had another miscarriage. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could this be happening again? She was almost six months along this time and just started to show. I rushed to the hospital and stayed with her as long as I could before I had to go back home to my baby.
 
Michelle and her husband at this point in their life have gone through two painful miscarriages.  All they ever wanted is to become parents and for whatever reason it just isn't working out for them.  My heart breaks for the two of them because they would make such good parents. This is all very recent and I am not sure if they will  have the courage to try again. I hope they try getting pregnant in the future, and if not they have discussed the possibility of adoption.

Either way they are going to make terrific parents one day. My prayers are with them in this time of need. I have never personally been through a miscarriage but watching my best friend go through it twice was rather difficult. I believe a miscarriage is a heartbreaking experience and it can take lots of time to recover from such a tragedy. 
 

Comments  

 
0 #12 Having a miscarriage is heartbreaking. — Mommy Of 2 2011-06-16 15:37
I had a miscarriage 9 months after my first child was born. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but it hurt just as bad. A few weeks before my 10 week ultrasound appointment I was really sick; throwing up and bleeding. I was worried, but I thought it was normal to bleed a lil while pregnant, as I bled some with my first child. My husband's uncle passed away tragically a week later. The day after his funeral was my big day to find out if I was having a boy or girl.

My husband and I went to our 10 week ultrasound appointment and I laid on the bed as they put the jelly on my stomach and looked for the baby. My husband and I kept thinking why aren't they saying where they baby is and how big it was and such. After about 30 minutes, the nurse said she couldn't find anything and asked me had I gotten my bloodwork done there yet, I said no. So I went to the lab and It came back that I had a miscarriage, because the hormones had dropped. I broke down as the Doctor told me that she was pretty sure I lost the baby. Probably when I had all of the bleeding when I was sick a few weeks before.

Losing a child is something that changes you, it felt like my heart was ripped out of me. I was depressed for weeks, but I had to carry on for my daughter and husband. That's what we, as mothers, have to do is push forward no matter what it takes. Having a child is such a blessing, and I cherish both of mine everyday:)
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0 #11 babies — trixie 2011-04-03 05:41
I became pregnant with my first daughter when I was 20yrs old…When I met my husband almost 11yrs ago I was ready to have another child as my oldest was 8yrs of age…We got married and shortly after we married I became pregnant…I took 5 home tests to make sure it was right, because it had been over 8yrs since I was pregnant.

I was only a few weeks along and I couldn't get in to the doctor till I was at least 8 weeks along..It was about 2 weeks later, I woke up in the early morning hours with bad cramping and bleeding. I woke my husband up for him to take me to the hospital. It was when I got there they told me I was miscarrying.

When I came home I shut myself in my room away from the world and my husband…I then became pregnant 4 months later with my now 7yr old son…When my son was 18 months, I became pregnant with twins which ended in me miscarrying again.
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0 #10 Keep supporting her.. — AngelAbove 2011-03-05 02:19
I lost my first daughter after I was raped and told I could never conceive. My first daughter was born brain dead due to medical malpractice of a doctor. I looked around and wondered why did God take her from me. What did I do wrong. Was I not going to be a good mother?

I became pregnant again while we were in the middle of the court battle with the doctor and I had a miscarriage due to the stress of the trial. Again, I lost it. I could not understand why. I became friends with a new girl at my work. Knew nothing about her child and she would have been the same age as my first daughter with the same name.

It was very hard for me to deal with. But as time passed I realized that it wasn't me that was not going to be a good mother it was the fact that God needed Angels to help him. I then became pregnant again with my 3rd daughter. I withdrew my motion in courts and stopped the court case. She is now 3 years old and healthy as can be.

That friend helped me manage to continue with my life and realize there was a reason to live. You are her support team right now. Don't feel bad for wanting to have another child, that brightness of a newborn's face will brighten her day and let her realize that there is a reason to keep trying. My prayers and with your friend, you, and both of your families! God bless you all.
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0 #9 walked a mile in those shoes — mommy_g 2011-02-27 01:47
I myself have had a miscarriage & it is a hard thing to get through & recover from. Not only did I lose my baby at 11 weeks, but I was septic & so sick I was dying myself. I was so hurt & upset...at the time my best friend was pregnant & it was hard for me to even want to be around her or anyone who was pregnant. I was bitter & mad, but her being a good friend she never gave up on me & stood by my side.

Just a few short months later I found out I was pregnant again. I am now 32 weeks & have my fingers crossed because I am a high risk pregnancy. I have almost lost my daughter 3 times. All you can do is be supportive for your friend & NEVER SAY "I UNDERSTAND" Unless you've had a miscarriage you can never even come close to imagining the pain that comes along with it. But after time life does get a little easier.
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0 #8 Guest 2011-01-13 17:08
I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. I know this is very hard for you to see her go through such pain. My sister had 2 miscarriages and I sat and cried with her each time in the emergency room and we had our priest over for comfort.

Now she is 38 weeks pregnant and having her little angel girl soon. We held our breath for so long and won't be fully assured that the baby is ok until we hear her cry...I had even thought about carrying one for her and was getting myself ready to then she found out she was pregnant.

Little Tanya is a gift from God and we will be crying again together in the hospital...but this time it will be mostly happy tears and a few will be shed for the ones that passed...they will always be remembered too. You are such a wonderful friend and great support to your friend.
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0 #7 Empty Nursery — Guest 2010-11-07 07:44
I've lost more than a dozen children through miscarriage. After 12, I just stopped counting because it hurt so much, but I never used birth control just in case one might live. Now for the first time I have had a friend, a mother of four, offer to carry a baby for me, and my husband and I are going through many processes to see if this can happen.

I had just about given up on ever being a mother - I just don't want to lose another one. The gift that my friend has given me - of offering to carry a child for my husband and I - leaves me speechless and thankful and I will always treasure her for this selfless gift. Even if it doesn't work out, I will never forget that she offered to do this for us.

If you feel that you could offer this to your friend, it could be a huge gift of love. The pain of miscarriage never totally goes away... just like the pain of losing your mother never goes away... it just gets a little easier with each passing year. Support from loved ones helps tremendously.
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+1 #6 RE: A Miscarriage is a Heartbreaking Experience — Guest 2010-10-29 08:35
I myself had a miscarriage when I turned 17 it was heart breaking. I got pregnant again at 18 and had a lot of difficulties but I had a healthy beautiful baby girl, she is 8 months old now.

Maybe if it is ok with her and her husband and yours you could carry her baby for her. You can email me back at djswife2008@aol .com
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+1 #5 babies — Guest 2010-06-26 09:45
Hon,it can be very hard to have kids. I had 11 miscarriages, total of 13 pregnancies with two live births. And with both my son and daughter they put me on bedrest right away. 7 months in bed is no fun. With both of my kids from the time I was about 4 months on I had to go in a lot and have labor stopped. But don't worry if god means for it then it will happen. And in the end they always have you. Open your heart and mind to the idea of having one for them. With my son it almost came to that point, but we found out I was pregnant before the mother selection was finished. It will happen. Don't worry. Just keep your heart open.
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+1 #4 Miscarriage — Guest 2010-06-21 20:25
I've had 3, the last was when I was pregnant with twins. One didn't make it, but I carry my daughter. In my mind I have these grown children in Heaven. There is no funerals or memorials with miscarriage. Best thing is to be there for a woman. Let her cry. The worst thing is to say "It probably is for the best". Now I await for my daughter to birth my third grandson. I thank God she hasn't had to go through a miscarriage.
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+1 #3 Miscarriage — Guest 2010-06-15 08:32
I myself had a miscarriage. When I felt this soft ball fall into toilet I picked it out and when it separated the baby was left in my hand, while the rest fell between my fingers and back into the toilet. it was very heart breaking, I was 13 weeks pregnant. I held the baby in my hand for awhile not sure what to do but knowing I wasn't going to put in the toilet. I ended up burying the baby, but later found out from my Dr. I should of brought the baby in and they can figure out reasons why I miscarried. No one ever told me that before. After the miscarriage I had 2 babies who are now 2 and 4. I hope your friends continue to try or adopt. I have 7 adopted siblings that I love as much as my biological ones. I am so sorry for their loss.
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