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Abused as a child PDF Print E-mail
My Childhood

 
Everybody's childhood is different. Some have good memories and some have bad, as for me it was not so good. I was always a quiet child that stayed to myself but was a very good kid that never got into trouble. All I ever wanted was for my mom to be happy. My real father never did anything for me and was abusive to my mother.

 

She finally moved on and started talking to a new guy. When I met him, he was so nice to me. At the time I was 4 years old and they got married when I was 5. Everything was going great. I trusted him and started building a bond with him. The type of child I was it took a minute for me to get used to you and open up to you. My life could not get any better. I was happy for once. I got to travel since he was in the military and see different places.

sexual-abuse-childBut at 6 years old things changed for me. That's when I went from a happy child to a very sad child. He began to molest me one night when my mom was sleep. He was up watching TV and I was not tired so I wanted to stay up as well. I sat by him on the couch and he told me to come and sit on his lap. He started to rub on my legs and touched me in other places that made me feel uncomfortable. I told him I was tired and I went to bed. That's when he came in my room and got on top of me. He  told me if I ever said anything they would put me in a girls home and I would never see my family again. He molested me for 8 years. When you go through something like this you feel trapped, scared and alone. You feel like it's your fault. People who never had to experience this often ask why did you wait so long to tell? It's not that simple.

So if you are reading this and you experienced any type of abuse as a child I'm here to tell you, you are not alone.
 

Comments  

 
0 #13 Jaz — Jan 2011-10-11 19:24
My heart is breaking for all who posted. There is a man at our church who did a prison ministry. He befriended a twice-convicted pedophile. Our church council (all men) want him to start attending our church because "he did his time and we need to forgive and accept". I keep telling my elders that child molesters do not change. Any advice?
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0 #12 me too.... — yummysweets 2011-09-16 15:15
This subject is so important to me because I too was molested as a child. And I was also a witness to homicide by my child molestor. It has taken me over 30 years to get over this. I recently discovered that I had a repressed memory, and I have been through a lot of trauma as a child. I didn't realize how much it affected and infected my whole entire life. I have so much trouble with my relationships, etc. But I am now finally dealing with my struggles and taking my healing one step at a time. I want to be an advocate for survivors and let everyone know they are not alone. We really need to support one another, especially the young girls who are acting out. This is something so horrible to go through.
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0 #11 Finally free — Renea 2011-09-08 18:55
I ran across this article while reading about a principle who had been arrested on child molestation charges. This is the first time I have told my outside publically. Only a few close friends know that I was molested. My family doesn't even know.

My mother was young when she married and had my older brother and I. She would let us stay the night at family members houses so that she could get a break. Well, as far back as I could remember I was molested. Not by one male relative, but by four and one family friend. My mom was too trusting. I remember a family friend who was a teenager at the time lying on top of me, kissing me at my grandparents' house. I also remember my uncle (who's about ten years younger than me), having me to constantly rub his private area. This was always done in the top bunk of his bed at my grandparents'. Whenever my mom would let me stay at my great-aunt's house, her youngest son would always touch me as I slept on the couch. I had two other cousins that would touch me as well. One, lying on top of me simulating sex and rubbing my bottom.

It must've happened very early in my life because I remember acting out sexually at school and I was in pre-k and kindergarten. My mom would spank me repeatedly for it. I was once acting out in my parents' bedroom with my cousin. No one ever questioned me as to what was going on. I don't remember when it stopped, but it lasted for years until my parents divorced and my great-aunt died. I was probably in fourth or fifth grade.

Needless to say, I don't have a relationship with any of those men. I have never asked my mom why she let them do that to me. I can tell you that it has shaped the way my relationships go. All I know is sex, so to me I figure that that is all I have to give to my boyfriends when I'm in a relationship. It took me years to realize that I have self-worth. And I'm a professional educator with three degrees.

I can also tell you that I am very careful who I leave my children with. I question everything and I am constantly watching. They don't understand that I am protective because of the things that happened to me as a child. They always think that I'm overreacting. If only they knew...

I thank you for giving people like me a voice to tell what happened in our lives. Too often, especially in the black community we are taught that what happens in the family, stays in the family. No child should ever feel as if they are doing anything wrong. It is not their fault. My mom was young and too trusting, but I honestly feel that in her heart she knows what was happening to me, but just didn't know how to stop it. At least that is what I would like to believe.
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0 #10 sexually abused as a child — Britt 2011-09-08 12:33
I was also sexually abused. When I was 8 yrs old my parents split up and my brothers and I lived with my mother. We were always very close with my mom's brother and his kids. Once my parents split we spent more time there then ever before. My cousin who was 21 at the time started molesting me. I was so confused he never did that before, he always looked after me. He would touch me in areas he shouldn't and force me into his room, lay on top of me and rub his whole body against me. He would try to get me to do stuff by telling me my other cousin did it too and it was okay.

My mother always told me if anyone touches you in an uncomfortable way or in your private places to tell her. I still didn't understand it but I felt like something was horribly wrong so I told her one night after we left their house. I was scared so I only told her pieces of the story. She called my uncle and informed him of what I was saying. My aunt called me a liar, but my uncle confronted my cousin. He denied it but my uncle privately admitted to my mom that he sensed something was off when he talked to him. After that we never went over there again. A few years done the road one of my family members caught him laying in bed with my other cousin that I mentioned before, but that still was not enough proof. My brothers hated me for a while because they did not understand why we could not see them anymore. My uncle, who was like a father to me can't even look at me to this day when I see him very rarely.

This had definitely affected me long term. For a long time I was terrified of older men even my father. I had a very hard time being in a serious relationship and opening up until recently. When I have children I know I will be extremely cautious even with my husband. It is something I think about everyday.
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-5 #9 Sexually abused as a child — Ashlei 2011-09-08 00:15
Hello everyone,
I was sexually abused as a child by my dad's mom (my grandmother). This all started when I was 6. It continued until I was 16. I used to live in Rockland County, New York. I'm 20 years old and I currently live in New Jersey. When I was 6, she would ask me to lift my shirt, so she could see my "rosebuds". That was her slang for boobs. I would do it because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. She kept asking every time I visited her.When I was 14, she bought me a dress that was too revealing and she thought it was cute. I wore it almost every day with a shirt underneath it, but I realized the shirt was see-through. I threw the dress out.

Eventually, I stopped visiting with her because it was getting really disgusting. I told my mom about what she was doing and my mom called her. My mom yelled at her for hours. My grandmother wasn't permitted to see me unless she was around my mom. To this day I rarely talk to her and I visit her only when my husband is with me. I don't feel comfortable around her anymore. I'm thankful that I've told my mom about it, but I don't want to tell my dad because of what he might say.

I'm depressed and mentally scarred for life. Sometimes I think that the same thing will happen to my future children. I hope that I won't keep thinking about what happened to me as a child. If any one wants to talk about what happened to them or needs a friend, email me at CamaroZ28Chev@a ol.com.
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0 #8 me too..... — melody 2011-08-22 20:33
I myself was sexually abused when I was 5yrs old by my moms b/f. He would touch me in places he shouldn't. I told my mom but she didn't believe me. I told her that he told me that's what daddies do to their little girls and he told me not to tell but I did. I told my grandpa and he ran him off and told my mom she could go with him if she wanted. Then 6yrs later my mom had married again and her brother in-law was around 16 at the time and had started sneaking in my room while I was asleep and he'd touch me in different places, then he actually began to do more until he finally raped me. I tried crying out but no one could hear me and when they did they turned a deaf ear to it. He told me he would hurt me if I ever told but I did. I told my mom again thinking she would believe me. She didn't so he continued to sneak in and have his way with me until my aunt came and when I told her she took me to have a rape kit done which proved I was raped.

I'm now 30 and have a kid. I recently found out that the one who saved me from my hell was now causing hell to my nieces. My uncle who I looked at as a dad molested my nieces repeatedly. Her mom told me and she did nothing the same as my mom. She let him stay there still and continued to do as he has been doing. I couldn't live with it so my cousin turned them in. He is now in jail and their parents will face charges too. We know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I was strong for them even more stronger then I was for myself. I made promise to them, I wouldn't stop till they all paid for what they've done ... :sad:
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0 #7 sexually abused as a child — bamagal35758 2011-08-17 12:46
I went through the same thing growing up. My dad committed suicide and I was left to be raised by my stepmother. Her new husband sexually abused me for years in between she did. It has taken me at least 34 yrs to finally be able to deal with what happened. When she thought that I might be pregnant by him all she had to say was she'd raise the kid. They are both dead now and hopefully rotting in hell. I will never forgive them for what they did to me.
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+4 #6 RE: Sexually abused as a child — nancyj 2011-02-28 01:30
This, too happened to me from about 6 yrs old and for about 10 years. The touching & grabbing was not done in the dark -- in privacy -- so even though it felt wrong & confusing, nobody told me it was ok to feel that way.

Now, 20 -something years later, people say to me "I thought something looked strange".. HELLO... Why didn't anyone ever stand up and ask what was going on??
Today, I tell ALL of my friends kids that if there is anything that they need to discuss, ever, they can ALWAYS come to me, and their "problem" will be safe with me.

If you cannot go to your parents because they have blinders on or the ones doing the molesting (or an uncle, neighbor or family friend)THEY need to know that they have someone they can trust with anything. I wish I had someone that had spoken up. I might be a different person today.
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0 #5 RE: Sexually abused as a child — pink1234 2011-02-26 15:48
Yes this is a terrible thing. I feel like they should be protecting us from the outside world but yet it's happening inside the home. Now it's hard to trust anybody. But all this is making us more stronger.
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-1 #4 me too — emilyg 2011-02-23 21:15
I was sexually abused as a child too. For 2 years. It was HORRIBLE. So please, feel free to message me. dylsmama6408 at yahoo.com
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