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| Separated from Bipolar Husband |
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| Health & Wellness | |||
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My husband get very jealous of me talking to other men. He started to be so controlling and would complain about everything I did. When he'd fuss at me, he would break and throw things around the house. He started hanging around the wrong crowd and was out late most nights. I found out that he cheated because he felt bad and told me. It felt so bad because I trusted him. I told him I'd forgive him but I didn't feel the same about him, the trust wasn't the same. As time went on he would still be in such rage with his anger so we decided to see a doctor for help and found out he's bipolar. The kids and I didn't always feel safe around him. He would always accuse me of cheating even if I just said hello to someone. We separated a few times but I always went back to him. One day I was doing laundry in the laundry room and there were guys there. He came and told me to come back to the apartment where we lived and told me to go into the bedroom. He then pushed me on the bed, got on top of me, pinned me down and yelled at me for being around men. When he let me up he put his hands around my neck, not to choke me but to scare me.
He stopped cheating for a while and he even put all his toys like the pool table, weights and gym, and the music studio in our home to not go out. He said I changed when I gained weight and didn't give him sex like he wanted. Since he cheated on me I didn't feel the same about him. He also wanted me to get a job. I'd been losing weight and acted more interested in him sexually but he said I was a fake. I looked for jobs but as a stay at home mom it was hard. He had money so I asked him to help me pay for a class and he said no. He also started to cheat on me again and said I was just a friend and he'd take care of me financially for the rest of my life. I couldn't take it anymore so I left just a few days ago. Everyone told me it's good that I left and that I was bold to be with someone with mental issues. I still love him, I know people says that's crazy but I do. I miss who he is when he's in his right mind. When we were with him on his good days it was actually nice. I still love him. He didn't know we were leaving because everyone told me not to tell him to be safe for my kids sake. He wants to see the kids and he doesn't want to throw 14 years down the drain. I don't know how to start over, it is so hard. I had to move in with my parents with no car, no job or anything except my clothes and my kids clothes. He can't stand my parents and feels they come in between us because they helped us with a place to stay. I hope you all can give me some advice. Thanks for reading. |
When my husband would come home from work my son would run to his room and my daughter would go from singing and dancing to sitting like a statue. She says she loves her father but never wants to live with him again. He was abused by his dad and he never takes the medicine he was prescribed for his bipolar disorder as he should. He gets mad even if I mention it. He can be nice at times and very smart when he finally takes it.Who's Online
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Your number one priority must be the children. The impact of what they have been through may not be immediately evident today but it is absolutely affecting them in a bad way. No child should be a part of the situation you describe. For their sake keep them and yourself in a safe place.
If he wants to see them then only allow it to occur for short visits of supervised time in public places. It is best to set this up through legal channels. If he hasn't already started -- he will soon try to use the children as pawns in manipulating your feelings and actions. This is distructive to them. Not much you can do about that except to not participate in such behavior. Most guys like this are afraid of the legal system. The courts and legal system are your friend in this type of situation -- regardless of what he might tell you.
If he really does want to have you as his wife then he will change, but it is a slow process. If you can't help yourself and really do want to see him occasionally, then have a dinner date once in a while. Drive separately and meet him in a public place. Never let yourself be in a private setting with him. Never take the kids to this type of date. Try to have meaningful conversation but do not try to force any issues. If you are not comfortable then stay away from him.
Many times your situation ends in divorce. Sometimes the guy will then have actually learned a lesson and his next wife will be treated in a more respectful manner -- even though he could never do that with you.
Father Time is you real ally in this type of situation. If you can stay away from him then time will slowly mute some of the pain. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into arguements and just ignore the constant verbal abuse you are likely to experience. Your silence and distance will keep him from getting the "controlling" satisfaction he craves from making you feel bad. Over time he will shoot fewer arrows since you are not such an easy target. The passage of time will also give you a chance to take a more objective view of the situation. There will be many times when you will feel sad and very alone. This is a normal part of the process. It will get better with time.
Remember that it took a long time to get to this place in your life. There is no quick fix. It is a slow process where you have to remain strong. Ultimately your strength is the foundation upon which your children will grow. If you give in, then you will likely doom them to repeating your mistakes in the years ahead.
Life is a long process that doesn't have to be completed tomorrow.
Good Luck.
You deserve better. Work on yourself and in time you will find a man who appreciates you and will not cheat on you. My advice is to leave him and never look back.
When I finally left my bi-polar husband, I missed him, actually I missed who I wished he was…when I accepted reality, I had to go. I'm so happy now…it's been 6 years and I still wish he would of been better...now he's in jail for some dumb stuff...it wasn't me after all…you'll be o.k.
He sounds like a guy who can be potentially very dangerous and violent. You also can't trust him and he proved that by cheating on you. Usually when someone accuses their significant other of cheating over and over again, it is because they themselves have not been faithful. Do what's right for the kids. If he refuses to take medication to control his disorder than you can't even consider taking him back.
I have tried to break up with him two times but always find myself coming back. If I try to leave during a fight he holds me down and will not let me leave. The only way for me to leave is if I call the cops. His dad beat him and his mom when he was little and I suspect that he is Bipolar, but I can't exactly bring that up for fear that he would get mad.
I see abusive tendencies in his actions towards our puppy. However, he has never shown those tendencies towards me. I can't bring myself to leave him because the good times are sooo good. I want to get him help but don't know how to bring it up.
As for your case, if it were me I would make him show how much he wants to be with you. This has seemed to work with my boyfriend. When I threaten to leave he begs me not to. I give him a few things that I want him to do. Make your husband take his meds! If he can't do that then I wouldn't want to expose the kids to that. This is all my opinions and I hope it helps. Also, I would appreciate some advice on how you got your man to the doctor to get treatment.
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