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Scared to lose weight PDF Print E-mail
Health & Wellness

 
I am currently obese. I weigh over 290 pounds and I'm 5'8". I've never been thin or skinny since I was in elementary school, but never really big until after I was date raped in college. I met with the individual frequently as we had several classes together and I naively trusted him as I had a serious boyfriend and he had stated he was engaged. One night he was drinking and well, I was too scared to leave...

 

I reported the rape to a campus counselor who preceded to drill me about why I was at this person's apartment. Why I didn't physically fight and why I didn't call the police...until I thought it was somehow my fault.

scared-lose-weightI decided to drop out of college, break off all of my friendships, not tell anyone and move from Iowa to Oregon. Honestly I had planned to go somewhere remote and mountainous to kill myself. Fortunately my mother knew something was very, very wrong and enrolled me with a real counselor who helped me to see things differently. I finished college in Oregon but I gained 130 pounds over 2 years.

The weight has been a source of protection for me. Since I know very few men are interested in obese women, I've been able to feel invisible and asexual. Men don't look at me as a potential sexual partner and I use the weight as a reason to not date.

Now that I'm older, I think I'd like to lose the weight but then I get really scared. I start to worry if I lose the weight, how will I be treated by men? And then I lose the motivation to lose the weight. Is it wrong to be scared to lose weight??? 
 

Comments  

 
0 #4 Exercise, control diet or you will continue to gain — visitLBL 2011-07-18 13:51
I have struggled, lost and finally won control over my behaviors. I've had a +150 lb weight gain. There are so many factors: physical assault, broken relationships, poor nutrition, sedentary jobs, no exercise and of course, emotional and binge eating. The fact is you need to find an exercise that you enjoy (walk or dance exercise dvd) and control your portions or you will continue to gain weight!

Salty and fried foods, candies, baked goods, sugary sodas are all very addictive! I use to think if one glass of cola is good ... THREE is better! It took me a year to get off soda... I finally found something I liked better diet cherry flavored fitness water then I changed to plain tap water. When you start eating healthy, you should expect to go through a withdraw phase (I still have a hard time watching people drink soda and eat fast food) … If you cheat ... next meal start the diet again. Then go from recording what you eat to start planning each meal, add up the calories and stick with it ... pack a lunch & water ... allowing for ONE small weekly treat.

I find the frozen entrees great to buy to get on track but now I buy fruits and frozen vegetables and prepare them. I have eliminated pork, flour, sugar, white potatoes and corn from my diet. I did not eliminate foods all at once ... I first started by eating one tablespoon of anything I wanted ... when I started losing weight I have a made a more conscious decision to eat lean meat, veggies and fruits. I lose weight weekly or stay the same. You can be healthy! I also participated in weight loss hypnosis which you can find on youtube and I find yoga fun and challenging. Focus on the present and meditate on your future happiness. Yes, it happened but don't let that one guy steal your joy ... you can be safe, cautious and enjoy a social life. Remember the Wizard of Oz, the Lion found courage. I pray that you find the courage to live your life to the fullest!
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0 #3 it's happening to me too — fran 2011-06-26 22:37
Just came upon this story, and am stunned at how similar it is to the troubles I am going through now! You are NOT alone in your experiences/questions-- you asked if it's wrong to be scared to lose weight. I don't think it's right or wrong..it simply is. For me, a least, it's almost...a control thing. Like here was this BIG experience I had no control over. One thing I can control: my weight. And subconsciously I think I've been trying to protect myself by being heavy.

When I was 15 I was roofied at a party by a boy I had a crush on (he then spread rumors about it afterwards, which circulated high school like wildfire…nothin g like getting drugged and then getting called a "slut" for it!) I was too young to make any sense of it, and I blamed myself for trusting him. I never said a thing about it (which I beat myself up for later). It was the aftermath, all that was said, that was almost worse than the event-- it seems like you might have had a similar experience. Now I'm 22 & still a virgin because I find it tough to get close to guys, emotionally or physically. Problem was, I was my thinnest then. And I think, in a way, I started to think skinny = attracting the wrong attention. And so on came the pounds. Weight became a buffer between me & the world.

Your story has given me that push I need, to finally stop trying to "protect" myself by DENYING myself the life that I actually want. I don't want to go through life using my own self-sabotage as an excuse. It's easier, it feels safer...but I felt safe that night at the party. Maybe my best life-- people's best lives-- aren't where it feels so safe. Maybe it's in taking the chance, losing the weight. Being STRONG women, emotionally & physically. I don't want to keep giving him-- or all those vicious gossips-- power by letting them keep influencing my life.

I'll fight my fear & try to lose the weight if you will!
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+1 #2 One thought holds you slave to you — tonsoffun 2011-04-16 00:27
I am sure you know by now, what happened to you was not your fault! My wife was kidnapped, beaten and gang raped by 4 guys (never call them men) 13 years before I met her. It took a very long time to help her become a strong woman and today, she has the strength to not only stand against anyone, she can stand against her attackers, should she ever meet them again.

The point is you can gain the confidence you need and loose the weight you want. Either through a self defense class or some other confidence class, you can gain control and the way you project yourself will alert others around you that you are in control.

Let me explain: My wife and I take tropical vacations. Every time we are on an island, we see cab drivers surrounding tourist like bees on a bee hive. One thing we never experience is any of them doing it to us. Why? It is the way we hold ourselves. I can adjust my posture to my surroundings. I can attract or repel people and my wife has learned this as well.

Now, when you are ready to loose the weight you want, do your homework. Don’t fall for fad diets. There are great supplement meals and herbs that work naturally and allow you the option to keep the weight off. If you want to know more about this or anything else I replied to your article, please fell free to contact me.

You are brave and more brave than you think. You wrote this article! How many women never let it out to begin with? You have already taken the first step and I am proud of you!
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+5 #1 do it for you — Lauren 2011-04-03 18:08
I can totally understand why you use weight as a shield. But I think it might be time to take better care of yourself. Lose the weight so you can be healthy and everything else will fall into place. You can do this…I believe in you!
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