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Addictions
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The one thing no one knows about me is that I have a drinking problem. I am an alcoholic, I can finally admit it now. For a long time I was in denial about my drinking. I have finally come to terms that I indeed have a problem. I am what someone might call a closet alcoholic. Not even my dear husband knows my secret. He has no idea what's happening right under his nose. The only time he sees me drink alcohol is on social occasions. I'm afraid to tell him I have a drinking problem because he'll never look at me the same way again. I know he loves me but he'll lose respect for me once he finds out. He's under the impression that I'm the model wife and mother which I certainly am not.
I didn't start abusing alcohol till I was in my mid thirties. Sure, I drank a little in college, but so did everyone else. I used to drink on the weekends when I partied with my girlfriends, that was before I met my husband. After I got married, I went out less and had a drink on special occasions. I never foreseen the problem I now have with alcohol. I can't stop myself from picking up a bottle of wine from the liquor store, making sure I never run out.
When I had kids I automatically took on the role of a stay at home mom. It was a big adjustment, I was used to feeling important at my place of work because I held an important position. Motherhood is great, but I miss the company of adults and I often crave adult conversation. I love my kids and husband more than anything. I just need to get a grip and stop feeling sorry for myself. It wasn't till I had my second son when I became depressed and sought solace in a bottle of liquor. That was four years ago and my drinking has really escalated since.
 I never drink during the day while taking care of my children. I wait till after we complete the bedtime routine. I bathe them, read bedtime stories and tuck them into bed. After my kids go to sleep, I finally get to relax and drink to unwind from a long day. I used to have a glass of wine just when I had a particularly bad day. But over time I started drinking every night. It went from one glass to sometimes three to four glasses depending on how bad my day has been.
I have a stash of wine bottles I keep hidden in my basement. My husband doesn't know they are there because I always go shopping alone. As far as I know, no one suspects anything is wrong. I used to think I could stop drinking when I wanted to, but after testing that theory I know I can't do this on my own. I am so embarrassed to tell anyone about the secret I'm keeping. How do I admit to my loved ones that I'm an alcoholic?
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Comments
My drinking has nearly cost me my marriage, jobs and self esteem. I have been feeling really strange for 2 weeks, I'm trying not to think about it. I am hoping if I can do a month sober I will be on the right road.
Just talk to him. Doesn't he deserve it? If you truly have a problem, (and the fact your hiding it, yet admitting it to yourself,) I think you do. Then from my own experience, your going to need the support of your husband and those who love you. I am a mother too so I can relate to your story. Get the help you need before it gets worse. I promise you it will be harder the longer you wait. You will not regret getting help. I'm glad you're reaching out and sharing your story. Now just try and share it with your husband, a friend, someone who you trust, and then go from there.
You deserve a life without hiding or shame. It will make you feel so much better mentally and physically. Alcoholism is a serious disease that kills people. It does not discriminate! Talk to your family. They love you the most. Like I said even if your husband doesn't know exactly what's going on, he has to know something has changed and could be hurting too...
Anyway, I told him- and he eventually came around and supported me. I suggest you tell him as soon as you can. I try not to hide or keep secrets within my marriage. If you have a strong marriage and a husband who loves you, it might shock him, but he should come around and offer as much support as you need. Tell him from begining to end, how it started and what it escalated to and what you want to do as per recovery. (AA meetings or a rehab). I hope you have a succesful recovery and good luck girlfriend !
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