Before I ever got locked up, I would inhale freon from the AC vent or computer duster, but never spray paint. As I said, I had done inhalants many times before. But immediately after the high "hit me" I remember looking in the mirror and feeling completely lower than low. I don't know how else to describe it. It was like those meth commercials you see on TV; I can't explain it though. I just hated myself. It was bad! But the sad thing is, I KEPT inhaling after that! That went on for about an hour, I blacked out the whole time. I guess I just kept inhaling.

But when I finally "came back to consciousness" there was a dead person who died from inhalants telling me "You can't keep doing this. This WILL kill you. I died from inhalants. What I'm here to do now is help someone from killing themself with inhalants. You do NOT want to end up like me, dead." And it was a teenage boy! DEAD from what I had done all the time as what is always referred to as a "cheap high"! I couldn't see him, it was just a voice. 

I thanked him repeatedly, telling him it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! And I am glad it happened, even though it was a relapse after over 6 months of being clean from everything! The reason I'm glad it happened is because it completely snapped me back into place! Being high again after so long made me miss it. Who knows where I would've gone if I kept using...back to jail, rehab again, and I have already been given enough second chances by my family. I couldn't keep disappointing everyone! So it was a LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE! I needed to hear what that dead guy told me!

YES, I know how crazy it sounds that a dead person talked to me and warned me about doing inhalants. But you know when you hallucinate something on drugs, you really think it's real but then when you're sober you realize you were hallucinating? It wasn't like that, and once I started hearing his voice I literally snapped out of the high, and rarely has that happened!

Right after I heard the voice, I called my dad and told him everything! He would've found out anyways, the WHOLE entire bathroom was completely covered in black spray paint, along with my body. Don't ask me how. But if you want to see, contact me I took pictures, no one has seen yet though. Even today, a day after, I still cant get all the spray paint off of me! I took a break from working on scrubbing it off to write this! 

To everyone reading, please do not ever do inhalants! Don't even get started with drugs, even "just weed" because it started with "just weed" for me and turned into this! I've been to 2 rehabs, 2 jails, 3 psychiatric hospitals, and I was kicked out of school twice all due to drugs. I'd do anything to take it all back but I'm glad the last inhalant experience yesterday happened, because when a dead person warns you it's a little more serious then just hearing "you could die"; because it's like hearing "I died, you will too."