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Mom is a Hoarder PDF Print E-mail
Story by Mia
Secrets

 
I decided to write about my experience with my mom who happens to be a hoarder. For people who are not familiar with the term, a hoarder is a person who accumulates large quantities of things and has a difficult time getting rid of anything even when it can become dangerous and harmful to their health and others. 

 

Growing up our house was always a source of embarrassment for me and I was never able to have friends over. When I went over my friends houses their moms kept their homes nice and tidy. I did not need to step over things like I did at my house. My friends often asked why they were never invited but I always made up excuses because I refused to tell any of them the truth.

When I think back I realize my mom's hoarding got out of control after my grandma died. I'm not saying our house was presentable prior to this because it was always messy but it got really bad afterwards. The only part of the house that is not affected by my mom's hoarding is my bedroom. I keep my room nice and clutter free and spend most of my time there after I get home from school. I also eat my dinner in my room because our dining table has things piled on top of it and is unusable.

hoarderMy dad works all day and when he gets home he and my mom fight over the state of the house.  He has threatened to divorce her if she doesn't get help and he said I'm going with him. I don't want my parents to divorce, I just want my mom to stop collecting things and to clean out the house so we can all live together. I even offered to help her get rid of things but I guess she's not ready yet. Sometimes I feel as if my mom's things are more important to her than I am. I have even thrown things out when she wasn't around but she noticed the items were gone and she threw a fit. I really hope she gets her act together before her hoarding destroys our family.
 

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+1 #2 hoarding — visitLBL 2011-07-18 14:48
My mom hoards food mostly and will not throw anything away or clean. We moved her into a senior apartment and from then on I do the housekeeping. Over the last few years, she has gotten better. She says she likes having a clean place to live. I think the best strategy on a severe case is (1) limit spending (2) remove the person (ie vacation) (3)while they're gone take all the stuff to the dump (4) hire a crew to come in and clean, steam clean carpet and furniture.

I know it will not 'heal' her but at least your home will not be cited by the county inspector. Drastic times call for drastic measures. So she will throw a fit, I don't care if her head starts spinning around ... this is tough love. Believe me, I know what you are going through. I would not spend the night at friends house when I was a child because I knew I could not invite them to my home. All that stuff on the floor and piled up is nothing but a huge fire hazard and mice nest. I've seen it all, believe me, your mom is a procrastinator, poor organizer and cleaner. Maybe you can talk to your dad and come up with a plan or a compromise. As you know, most people do not want to pay for haul off or clean up. My prayers to you for strength to resolve this issue.
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+1 #1 RE: Mom is a Hoarder — Jasmine11 2011-07-10 12:38
Your mother has a serious mental disorder, and she will not get over it without professional help. I am friends with a hoarder, and have had many, many discussions about it with her. There is also a cable TV show called Hoarders on A&E that may help you understand what's going on.

It's not that your mother likes her "things" better than you, it's that she has lost her ability to cope with life, and her "things" make her feel better. Hoarders form strong, unhealthy attachments to inappropriate objects, and they are unable to distinguish that one thing may be good, while another is just junk - they are equally precious in her eyes. If you can, try to get her to counselling, but don't feel rejected if she says she doesn't have a problem and won't go.

I've been trying to get my friend to go for years, and even though she admits to me she has a problem, she can't bring herself to seek help. The best thing you can do is research the subject, so you can come to realize that she really does love you, and it's not your fault, but she has a mental problem that she is unable to overcome on her own.
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