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Feeling torn PDF Print E-mail
Story by Kitkat
Secrets

 
Should I tell my neighbor who I'm on friendly terms with about her daughter's behavior…or should I keep her secret?

 

Tonya and her children moved to my neighborhood about 5 years ago. Her kids were young then and currently her daughter Amanda is in high school. I don't consider myself nosy but I am concerned her daughter's behavior could have potentially serious consequences. Tonya is divorced and she works around the clock to support her kids. I used to babysit for her but since Amanda is older now she was put in charge of looking after her siblings until their mother returns from work.

Lately, I've been noticing a boy who must be Amanda's boyfriend coming over the house quite a bit. My guess is they are having sex while no one is home. I noticed him leaving just prior to her siblings getting dropped off by the school bus. She is obviously not allowed to have boys over when her mom isn't there and that's why he doesn't stick around.

feeling-tornI toyed with the idea of telling Tonya about what I seen but I'm not sure if I should. Her daughter and mine are good friends and I'm afraid to mess that up. I personally would want someone to tell me if my daughter was doing things she shouldn't be doing. I'm so torn on what to do. On one hand I think her mother deserves to know, on the other maybe it's simply none of my business and I should just pretend I didn't see anything. 

Looking for some answers. Please advise…thank you.
 

Comments  

 
0 #4 Mind your business — Chance1 2011-07-06 18:37
I am going to have to agree with most people who left comments and say mind your own business. First off, it's not your daughter and you don't know if the mother knows what's going on, and if she does, you will not look like a concerned mom, you will look like a nosy neighbor. Also, other parents might know things about your kid that you don't, but have not told you and when you open your mouth to rat about someone else's kid, other parents might have something to say like " you should just keep an eye out for your own kid".

Also, I'm sure if you asked your daughter, who is this girl's friend, about telling her mother what's going on, your kid would have told you not to say anything because if you do say something to the mother, and the kid gets in trouble, she's going to take it out on your daughter and it will ruin their friendship. In the end, you will not be helping anyone, but making a sticky situation for a lot of people. Hopefully, this girl is being smart and careful with whatever she is doing.
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0 #3 Reach out — soulshine 2011-05-05 20:45
I understand the situation but I was once that "girl" who's mother had to work and I was left to take care of my younger siblings after school and yes in fact I did have boys over too. If you really want to get involved and show your concern reach out to her personally. Talk to her and show her that you care and that you're not just the nosy neighbor who's out to get her. You don't know what's going on in "her" world. Have snacks sent over after school take some time out to lend a helping hand, an ear to listen and heart to reach out in love A little goes a long way!! God Bless!
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0 #2 Nope — Bella210 2011-02-13 22:23
I don't think it's any of your business and although you are curious you need to stay out of it. I'm a naturally curious person also but I try not to get involved.

Why would you think the daughter is having sex? Not every teenager is promiscuous! And I agree with Holley, you are just assuming the mother doesn't know. Maybe she does and trusts her daughter not to have sex. Either way she's not your kid so try as hard as you can to peep out the other window and away from her house.
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-1 #1 umm — holley 2011-02-05 20:01
There is a few things about this post that I immediately notice. I can understand being a concerned parent and neighbor, but you really have no idea what is going on. You expect that she is having sex, but really have no idea. You also don't seem to know if "Tonya" may know or not know.

I know many parents with children at this age that are totally aware that their children are sexually active. As well knowing that your children are sexually active does not mean that you give them a free reign to act on it. Some parents are aware and lay certain ground rules. One big one would be to convey that younger children are impressionable and to take that into consideration.

If your daughter is her good friend why not just tell your daughter politely that this behavior could be construed as other things. If she is truly acting on her own means and attempting to hide something as a teenager would, with a skill that can be as great as a cia operative then she would take this advice and the problem would resolve itself.

The bottom line is you are speculating, I have not heard too many times when someone even with the best of intentions acted without the facts that has turned out for the best.
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