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Falsified information on baby's Birth Certificate PDF Print E-mail
Story by dragon
Secrets

 
I am 46 years old and I have been a widow for a few years. I have 2 children in college and I got pregnant by my ex-boyfriend Rob. The father of the baby is a very abusive man. He hid it from me for the first year we were together and I slowly figured it out but by then I was pregnant.

 

Rob moved back into his parents home after he lost his job. He got drunk, did not go to work and cussed out his boss. He owns absolutely nothing. Someone from church gave him the car he drives. He hasn't worked for months and I learned this is what he has been doing for years. He is an alcoholic and also uses street drugs. He has another child but the mother took that child out of the state to get away from him.

One time he came over my house drunk and hurt me. I ended up in the hospital. He did not force me to have sex with him, but one time he would not stop having sex with me when it was hurting. I told him to stop three times and I cried but he did not stop until he was done.

Rob came to my job and started yelling at my boss after he was told that I could not talk him at the time. He stalked me for months after we broke up and I had to call the police on him many times...at home, church and at my part time job. He was sent to rehab for 3 months by the church we went to. He quit that too because he could not stay sober for more than a few days. He was not like this in the first year of our relationship. I believe that he had been sober for 15 years when we met and started drinking after we were together for a few months.

After I broke up with Rob I started dating my friend Kurt. He thinks I was dating Kurt and him at the same time but I was not. After a few dates, Kurt and I did not hit it off and he went back to his ex-girlfriend Maggie. Kurt, Maggie, and I are all good friends now. We went on vacation together with my kids and everyone had a great time. Kurt is a policeman and Maggie is a nurse. It's unfortunate but they can not have children of their own.

falsified-birth-certificateI never told my ex-boyfriend Rob that I was pregnant. Only Maggie, Kurt and my kids knew. I had gastric bypass surgery years ago so I had the baby and told everyone that I had a tummy tuck and more gastric bypass surgery to fix complications of the first surgery. On the same day as the birth, a planned c-section, due to my age, the baby came first and then a surgeon did a tummy tuck. It worked. Everyone at work, people from church, and my ex-boyfriend believed us. Before the first surgery I weighed 420 pounds, I now weigh 240 pounds.

Kurt was listed on the birth certificate as the birth father and he signed it. Maggie knows that Kurt is not the father, he and I never had sex. The baby lives with them and my kids and I have visitation. Others think we are just good friends. We agreed to visitation before the birth. It was written up by a lawyer who thinks that Kurt is the father. I do not want to raise this kid. I have mental heath issues and I am on permanent disability for PTSD.

Rob suspected there was a baby and has been told that Kurt is the father. Kurt and Maggie do not know Rob and they do not know where each other lives. When Rob calls I forward his calls to Kurt. I have not talked to him and when he gets a hold of me I just cry and say nothing, then I hang up. Rob is an abusive, dangerous, loser drunk that my kids and I are afraid of. All I have is hate for him and I want revenge. What do you think of all this?
 

Comments  

 
+1 #4 falsified info — Jasmine11 2011-07-10 12:52
I agree with the other Jasmine, I wouldn't tell the child unless something happened to make it unavoidable to tell, like a genetic condition that the kid inherited from Rob. If the child knows Rob is the father, he/she will probably reach an age where they think they know better, and that Rob would be a wonderful father, because he is their father. That would be a total disaster. Rob would either totally screw with the kid's mind, or try to leech money, or find out where you live and come after you for "revenge" as an excuse to get back into your life as a tormentor. Or, the kid might start to worry that they will become a loser like Rob because it's "in their genes".

There are plenty of kids who know nothing about their biological parents, who live wonderful, normal lives. I think telling the child about Rob would stir up a hornets nest that would be better left alone.
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0 #3 right decision — Chance1 2011-07-06 18:24
First off- I want to applaud you by not having an abortion and giving the child to a family who wanted a baby but could not have one due to medical issues. You made a heart wrenching decision, but the best one for the child, you, and the family receiving the child. Your children get to grow up knowing their sibling, and you still get to know your child.

As for Kurt, he's not mature or in the right state of mind to even know, let alone see the child. Although, I suggest telling the child the circumstances as soon as he/she is able to understand. The last thing you need is the child having doubts or being suspicious of anything and finding out on their own and being resentful toward you or his/her parents. Good luck in the future and with your lives.
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0 #2 RE: Falsified information on baby's Birth Certificate — flowerlover 2011-02-27 20:56
I, too think you made the right decision. The child has the opportunity to now grow up in a stable home with two parents and you still get to know where the baby is and your children have the chance to know their sibling.

I would not be surprised if eventually this child learns or senses that he or she is not biologically related to the parents. And it would be to his/her benefit to know and understand why the decision was made to have her parents raising her.

As an adult adoptee with years of helping other adoptees come to terms with their life histories, I have seen people who were not told they were adopted go through much turmoil until they can sort out the pieces of who they are.

You made the best decision with the options that you had. Rob does not, at this point in his life, have the maturity or ability to act as a loving father. I suspect he never will be unless he gets clean, sobers up and gets some counseling and makes amends for the pain he's caused.

You need to forgive yourself, find the strength to move forward and live your life.
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+2 #1 falsified info — jasmine 2011-02-20 09:52
I think you made the right choice. I grew up in an abusive home at the hands of my drunk dad. The baby being raised by 2 mentally stable adults is much better then being raised by 2 adults with mental heath troubles. If the baby is a boy he would have grown up not knowing how to be a man, like his sperm doner. Never tell anyone your secret.
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