I find cutting myself to be therapeutic...I know this sounds nuts but it calms me down and gives me a sort of high without the need for drugs or alcohol. I use it as a coping mechanism when things go wrong in my life which they often do. I find life to be rather difficult and I often hurt myself when things don't go my way.

I usually make cuts on my thighs, hips, and stomach...those are all places I keep covered most of the time so no one notices what I'm up to. I never go too deep, even though the adrenaline rush is greater with deeper cuts. Like I said, I keep it a secret and don't think my family is aware at all. I keep hand towels in my room and I hide the bloody ones till laundry day comes around. Since I volunteered to be in charge of doing the laundry I pretty much guaranteed that they won't find out. 

To make things clear, I am not trying to kill myself...far from it. I often feel sad, angry, depressed and just numb.  Cutting allows me to feel alive...I feel no pain as I'm doing it either, it actually feels more like a pain reliever. The physical pain of cutting into my flesh replaces the emotional pain I feel at the moment.     

I think my "habit" has turned itself into a little obsession which I can't quit just yet. I tested myself and intended to stop cutting but when the moment hits I find myself doing it again and again. I know I'll have to stop eventually but for now it proves to be a great stress reliever for me.