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How much pain can one soul bear? PDF Print E-mail
Story by BornToPain
Rants and Raves

 
Seems all I've ever wanted was someone to love me. You might guess that I'm a woman, as it seems women will do almost anything to be loved. I'm old now and at the point where I am so damaged that I am not even remotely suited to be in a relationship. I have been married and am married now. I have kids, which has been the main reason for me to stay married. But inside I am lonely, vulnerable and weak. 

 

I tried an emotional affair as I have never 'stepped out' on my useless husband. But even when I would have died for the man or done anything to prove my love. That's when I found out he never saw the relationship at the same level. I've stopped all communication with him and I'm going to take time to heal up. 

Love-painfulWhy is it that what I need the most is impossible to find?  Love. I just want to be loved. I'm compassionate, forgiving, smart intellectually, a hard worker, clean and have a trim figure. I smile a lot, I joke and kid around. I love to play. I'm not a drag to be around. But a man to love me remains elusive. What I ask is faithfulness, honesty, loyalty and strength of character. 

Anyhow, I hurt. I am trying to heal and figure out what it is about me that is screwing up my life. I must change a lot to get different results but I am not figuring out what and how to do it. Little steps. I'm starting out with small steps and will see where it will lead. I am not 'looking' I am only seeking friendships and trying to heal. I wish this pain would stop.
 

Comments  

 
-1 #6 get over it — Thialee 2011-07-23 12:13
There are people out there that have lost their children, family, homes to fire and flood, and really know what pain is. You just need to stop checking your own "happy" temperature and get on with living. Don't try to step out for an emotional affair, treat him as he wants to be treated, how you want to be treated. Find out what real love is, then love yourself and things will fall into place.
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+1 #5 God is Love. — soulshine 2011-05-05 19:15
Let God know your pain for He desires to have a relationship with you He wants to show you the love He has for you. He can do more that you can ever imagine. He can restore your soul and your marriage. Give it to Him. He loves you more than you know! He is waiting on you.
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0 #4 loneliness.... — Jacqui775 2011-03-31 11:16
I agree with this topic. I'm 52, and even though I can go it alone, I do so much better with daily communication and help. Maybe our lesson is to rely more on God in our life...I don't know...but I so desire a partner also!
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0 #3 love hurts so good — The Dude 2011-03-28 19:51
I'm 17 and have only been loved once and I'm not even sure that she loved me. About 2-3 weeks ago I thought I finally found a girl but in the end she left me for a guy that she said she didn't even like.

I don't even know if it would be called a relationship. I met here on facebook and we mostly texted or talked on the phone. When I met her that was the day she left me. I didn't even get a chance and now I don't know if I'm pissed, sad, or just confused.

Love was good until it was over then it was like love turned its back on me and is taunting me. But I guess it was a good experience.
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+1 #2 Don't waste your life — Lisa 2011-03-28 06:58
I was wondering if you have children and how old you are. I'm 37 with two teen kids and now a grandbaby. I used to be like you feeling like I needed a man's love and didn't realize I was letting time go by and my kids were growing up while I was worrying about a damn man.

I feel like I neglected my kids and should have given them more love, attention and affection. The love I tried to give a man was love I should have given my kids. The man is gone and I still have my kids and it breaks my heart when my kids tell me that I loved him more than I did them.

I was in love only once in my life when I was 24 and wasted 13 yrs of my life and time I could have made my kids life better, gave them better memories. I'm now over the man I once loved and I'm finally happy with my kids and grandbaby.

Now that I don't have love to give to no man is when men seem to wanna love me. Men want you when you're cold, mean, not nice and weak. If you don't have kids then give your love to your parents. Someone that will appreciate the love.

Love yourself like the person above said, be happy NOW. TRUST me, you do not need a man to be happy. Love hurts and you're going waste your life hurting. LOVE KILLS SLOWLY.
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+1 #1 Love Yourself — Never Better 2011-03-27 18:39
I have been where you are.... All I wanted was for a man to love me, but I never could find it. Bad relationship after bad relationship...pain, heartache, self-doubt and self-hatred ruled my life because I could find no true love.

Time and time again I was told I had to love myself first... really? I mean c'mon! What does that even MEAN? It took me years and a whole lot of trial and error to figure it out (I still struggle almost daily) but I have come to realize that I am God's perfect daughter. He is the only one who can fill me with the love I so desire! Isaiah 54:5 says "For your Maker is your husband." In verse 8 God says "With everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you."

Through all of the pain I endured and set upon my children in the process, I know now that only He can bring me what I was so desperately seeking. I now know who I am and love myself as His daughter, and He has seen fit to bring the most kind, loving man I've ever known into my life.

This new man and I realize the amount of healing we both have from past experiences and are 'proceeding with caution' as they say, but I know in my heart that if it does not work with him, I will still be okay because I finally understand what it means to love myself and to live for myself. Good luck to you.

I strongly recommend you find someone to talk to about your need to be loved. Mine came from some serious feelings of abandonment which have been worked through and no longer hold me back. It takes hard work, but you CAN get past this!
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